Advice on helping female friend

[coreJack]

A friend of mine, who has struggled with her weight for a long time, has asked me to help her with her training. She's mostly been doing a bit of weights (machines) and a bit of cardio, and she does this on and off, and not with any real long-term consistency. I suspect part of it is that when you don't have specific goals every time you walk into the gym, it is hard to stay motivated, and easy to not push yourself.

My plan is to get her on a strength training regimen. I'll show her how to do all the basic lifts with good form and set up a program that is similar to SL or SS along with a few corrective exercises specific to her body. So she will be armed with a plan every time she steps into the gym, which I think will help with motivation to actually go to the gym and, once there, to train with intensity.

Any suggestions on helping someone get into strength training? Particularly a woman? Like most women getting into lifting, she is wary of growing large muscles and getting bulky (I explained this wasn't going to happen to any significant extent w/o steroids), and her primary goal is fat loss. Would love to hear from the ladies at SL, as well as guys who've trained female friends.

[coreJack]

I'm trying to figure out what she should do on her 4 non-lifting days (lifting 3x/week). Since weight (fat) loss is her primary goal, I'm leaning toward cardio and/or Tabatas. Maybe cardio 3 days and Tabatas 1 day - the Tabata day would almost be like a day off since she can do these at home, and takes only 15 min between warming up and doing the 4min Tabata. Or cardio 2 days and Tabatas 2 days to give her more free time and make the program easier to adhere to. But I'd like to make strength the priority, and have her cut back on cardio once she feels like it is starting to affect her recovery (i.e., when the weights start getting very challenging).

As far as cardio, I know she likes the exercise bike, though I'm skeptical that this is an efficient calorie burner. I'm thinking elliptical - easy on the joints, but more strenuous than the exercise bike. Plus, since she works a desk job, I'd rather she do a cardio exercise that helps restore length to the hip flexors.

Thoughts?

[Dada]

Running, eliptical, and walking are all better than the bike. I would have her do one (or a mix) of those 3X a week and lift 2-3 X per week. You gotta give at least 1 day off somewhere though.

[coreJack]

Running, eliptical, and walking are all better than the bike. I would have her do one (or a mix) of those 3X a week and lift 2-3 X per week. You gotta give at least 1 day off somewhere though.

Yeah, after writing that post, I thought it might be too demanding. So I'm thinking of two different scenarios:

1. lift 3x/week, cardio 2x/week, Tabatas 1-2x/week - Since Tabata days only require 15min b/w warmup and a 4min Tabata, I figure those days are almost like off days.

2. lift 2x/week, cardio 3x/week, Tabatas 1-2x/week. I'd prefer the emphasis on strength, but she might find this more palatable, given her fat loss goal. I think strength training with a smart diet would achieve her goal, but convincing her of that is no easy task.

[coreJack]

I showed her this pic, and she thought this girl's legs were huge and ugly. Women.

[FiveByFive]

I mean, that girl is pretty over the top. It would take a lot of work for her to get to that kind of size.

For the cardio (from personal experience), i'd say have her do whatever she likes to do. As you pointed out, consistency is probably the biggest problem with her efforts so far, so if she likes the bike and will ride it, then have her do that. If she hates tabata or interval training, then don't push her on it. Does she enjoy any sports that she might be able to get involved in (racket sports are a good approximation of interval training). Any chance of getting an actual bike and riding outdoors rather than an exercise bike? Just try to find something she can enjoy and she'll be more likely to continue. She can add in more "unpleasant" workouts later (and yes tabata burpees are unpleasant, though rewarding).

[sean]

You're putting too much emphasis on her workouts. Losing fat is 90% diet, especially for a beginner. Of course she must get exercise, but as long as her diet is in check the actual kind of exercise is relatively unimportant. This is why I've given up helping friends lose/gain weight. You can help them in the gym, but you can't monitor their eating habits during the other 23 hours of the day.

[coreJack]

sean, I totally agree about the relative importance of diet and exercise. But like you said, there's not much I can do about the diet part, other than give her some advice about it, which I have done. I'm hoping that once she's in a training groove, she'll make better dietary choices. I know I definitely eat better when I'm working out vs. when I'm not - the implicit rationale being I just spent an hour busting my butt, do I really want to waste that effort by eating poorly?

[Rugger]

I mean, that girl is pretty over the top. It would take a lot of work for her to get to that kind of size.

Or photoshop.

Jack, I think you'll find that most people's rationale is that they just busted their but for an hour, so they DESERVE to have an extra slice of cheesecake. Your friend wont accomplish much in the losing fat/weight department until they fix their diet, which in my experience is not something you can do for someone.

[coreJack]

Jack, I think you'll find that most people's rationale is that they just busted their but for an hour, so they DESERVE to have an extra slice of cheesecake.

That seems like a strange way to think about it, but then again, I've always been skinny, so I'm sure I have a different relationship with food than someone who is overweight.

Your friend wont accomplish much in the losing fat/weight department until they fix their diet, which in my experience is not something you can do for someone.

I know, I gave her some advice on diet, but this part is all on her and she knows it.

[NorthstarUK]

Motivation is the biggest barrier.

If she really wants it, she'll find out what she needs to do and do it, the same as the rest of us on here.

By all means give her good advice and encouragement but help her understand that her attitude is the biggest determinant of success or failure.

The problem for women is there are too many soft options available to improve their appearance (cosmetics, push up bra's, 'slimming' garments, hair do's, hundreds of stupid diets etc). Us guys generally realise that if we want a good body we have to put the effort in. Most women realise this but take the soft options, to their detriment.

[pagangoddess]

I'll echo Sean & Rugger. Diet is going to be a bigger factor in her fat loss than what workout she does. And I was meaning to ask you about it but they beat me to it.

And Rugger is right. For some reason women seem to think that if they workout hard then they deserve the reward. Food isn't fuel, it becomes an emotional/mental attachment. It's sad really.

Hopefully your influence will help her make better choices . . one step at a time.

[itsbruce]

Don't show here any more pictures like that, though. If she's overweight and unhappy with her body image, you're only going to make her feel inadequate. I'm not surprised she wanted to find negative things to say about the (probably photoshopped) babe.

[coreJack]

Don't show here any more pictures like that, though. If she's overweight and unhappy with her body image, you're only going to make her feel inadequate. I'm not surprised she wanted to find negative things to say about the (probably photoshopped) babe.

Good point. The thing was I knew she wanted to get back to the figure of her youth, which was very slim. And it seems to me that is pretty unrealistic given her already slow metabolism and low energy levels - i.e., at this point, she's not in a position to do lots of cardio (no energy) or eat much less (she claims to eat very little, and if that's the case, eating less will only slow her metabolism further). So I wanted to discuss a more realistic way to shed the fat and maintain that for the long term - gain some muscle, boost metabolism, boost appetite (she often skips meals). Hence the squat girl (whose legs look pretty damn good to me).

[coreJack]

Update: We had our first session on Monday, which went pretty well. Today's session was a bit of a disaster, but I learned something important. Today, we started off with warmup and some glute activation drills - it was during the drills that she started feeling dizzy. We took a break, I asked her to drink some water, and noticed that she was sipping the water, which jogged my memory of her not drinking much water. So I asked her how much she drank at work today (our session was after her 8-9hr workday). Answer 3-4 ounces. WTF??? She claims this is normal for her, and is usually not a problem. Of course, I'm thinking that her liquid intake, or lack thereof, may have a whole lot to do with her other issues (see prior post).

So what did I learn? Well, I learned that all her past cardio and machine lifting must have been laughable. After all, how much effort can you possibly exert when you are chronically dehydrated?? I also learned that I should not accept any requests to train a friend, unless said friend was deeply committed and was already familiar with doing hard work under the bar. Of course, such a friend would hardly need me to train him/her, and would need, at most, pointers to resources like Starting Strength, this forum, and an occasional form check.

That said, I have already agreed to train her, and I will honor that agreement, but I am going to insist we wait until she is regularly consuming a more normal volume of liquids. I was doing TGU's today, and I had sweat pouring down my head and pooling in my ears! I can't in good conscience train someone who is chronically dehydrated - that seems like an accident waiting to happen under a loaded bar, or worse, in the car drive afterward.