Am losing it.....

[sailo888]

Been doing all these dieting/lifting/cardioing for a good 8 months now... Do not know what to do... Been from overweight to "normal" and somewhat strong, but am kind of losing my motivations. My long term goal always been having a 6 pack before my 21st bday which is in Auguest of 2009, but now I am just losing it.

Losing hope, doing bad in school, and just life overall? I guess its just another down hill on my life.

What do you do when its a downfall? Should I just tell myself to get thru it and tomorrw is another day?

[Mehdi]

What's the problem? You don't mention why you're losing your motivation. August 2009 is still far, so what's the problem? Are you tracking stats? (weight, body fat, pics, strength stats)

[eLvarouza]

If you feel like shit now quitting lifting and quitting other activities will just make you feel worse. You have 9 months to reach your goal. That is very far down the line. You went from overweight to 'normal' and strong. That sounds like great progress! Everyone goes through downhill, shitty periods. The sooner you convince yourself everything will get better, the sooner you'll break out of it. Thanksgiving break is coming up soon. Just take a break and relax. You'll feel much better.

As for weight lifting, just go the gym and lift the damn weights. You'll feel a lot better.

[javanek]

Man, I know it's hard when you get to this point, but you just have to push yourself through it. Look at where you started, dude. Think back to being the 'fat guy' and how much has changed since then. I get in the same negative mind set from time to time, especially when it comes to losing weight. But I just go back and read my logs or look at some pics from three years ago and I know that it is working and I'm on the right track. So are you. Chin up and stick with it. And remember, I'm only an 16 hour drive away. If I need to provide some 'percussive maintenance', I will.

[sailo888]

Man, thanks for all of your kind words.. Just that I have no where to turn to, this is the only place where I can get feedback or get yell at really. I just feel bad that I "whine" a lot.

Just these downhill curve are really getting to me, nothing in my life is going right at the moment.
School wise, I am just doing really bad and I get so much stress from parents/family plus of course myself, I hate myself so much for doign sooo bad, if I don't catch up with the finals and if I lose scholarship due to my poor GPA, its OVER!
Work wise, same old crap what I have been doing for 3 years since I was 17, can't seem to find a internship anywhere.
Workout wise, I am trying to just cut cut cut weight. I even stop caring about my own weight but I just cant seem to step up in my exercises. Like swimming, I have been swimming for like almost two months now, and I been stuck around the same strength/endurance for a few weeks now. I just don't know where I am headed anymore.
Girl wise, I thought got some balls, so I went up to this girl after class and just intro myself + ask for her number. She said sure. I was really happy till she does not even reply my texts.

I do keep my weight stats, body fat %, and monthly pictures. But it just doesn't cut it for me anymore... Maybe because I didn't keep track since the beginning, I started tracking around July. So those pictures/stats/weight wasn't when I was fat fat.

I didn't entirely gaveup yet, I still hit the gym this morning but it was hard. on my 3rd/4th set my mind just off tracks into thinkign something so negative and BS that makes me so unhappy. I usually can use those force as angry and pust the weight, but not this time.

It just makes me ....ARGH!!!

[Mehdi]

One thing that I learned through strength training is that much in life is about hitting a plateau and finding a way to overcome it. Life "plateau's" are usually stuff that prevent you to do something or just stuff that annoy you on a daily basis. It can take a while to overcome, but as usual: persistence is key. If something is causing frustration, you don't have many options: you accept it and get into depression or you decide to change it or you get aggressive about it.

You do indeed "whine" a lot. Be happy about this, at least you realize it, that's the start.

Anyway, think problem-solving.

* School => don't know the situation in US, but here grades are useless and so are degrees. When you're out of school you pretty much have to re-learn everything when you start working. And if a high income is the goal, your degrees or grades are no guarantee that you'll achieve that, in the contrary. Read "The Millionaire's Next Door".

* Work => find another job if you don't like it. You'll find something if you keep searching.

* Training => Are your stats improving or not? If not it's your responsibility to find out what (analyze). If yes: maybe it's not improving fast enough, then learn patience.

[RichV]

Mate i've been there before, been chubby, no self confidence, few friends, addicted to computer games, not doing my best in school. I am now 17, getting a good body, strong, confident, have a girlfriend, loads of friends and doing well in school and loving life.

You've accepted you need to change, that's the hardest part.

KEEP AT IT!! your motivation is becoming the best you can be, nothing less. it takes hard work, but you will get the rewards. Go to the gym, it will give you confidence - Just think of how far you have come and what you potentially can be. I don't know why, but one of the biggest motivations for me is looking at my forearms before i deadlift - Gripping the bar as hard as i can, with veins bulging and seeing all the little muscles, feels brilliant.

Do sport, swimming is brilliant, again it will give you confidence.

Above all push yourself, in the gym and in life. Jump into situations you feel uncomfortable with, you say you asked a girl for her number, I haven't even done that yet lol, i envy you. Takes balls. So what she hasn't text back - go ask another one.

As with school, i don't know how it works in America lol, but what motivates me is getting good grades to get into university so i can do a degree that i will enjoy, and get a good job out of it. If i dont do it, i get a crap job, crap money, crap life. Thats how i see it, either do or die basically.

As Mehdi said, as far as i can tell there is no problem, your doing well. Things will soon click into place. Don't give up

[tenkev]

Pick a fight with someone bigger than you. Nothing turns on my inner motivation like getting punched in the face a few times.

[clavelle]

Sailo888,

Man you are just starting your road through life bro, take it slow and just deal with your issues you have control over. One thing at a time and you will be fine when you look back and see how far you have come.

School is school, it is very easy to get disstracted by little life things and start focusing you attention elsewhere besides the books. If you have a scholorship then keep it up and stay the coarse, but a paper on the wall does not mean you are even good at anything it just means you can take a test and pass. But if it means a lot to YOU then keep it up, but if it mean more to others and you are doing it for them then that answer will always come up short. For eaxmple, "So you passed, well your grades could have been better".....(as you bring home you degree to you parents)...but if you did it for your self then you will just be happy to have survived and have that peice of parchement hanging in your study.

Girls, congrats on hitting on one finally....so what she doesn't answer your TEXT, but did you try to call her first or did you just text her? If she gave you her phone number that was cool already, she could have just said no and kept going....just don't turn into that stalker, if you call her and ask her out and she says she is busy just let it go then and move on. Keep working on you, if you are having a tough time in life sometimes the last thing you need is a relationship because it does not help with anything but to add another dose of missery to the batch. Trust me on this one bro I have been there and done that for a while and have the kids and the ex wives to prove it. FOCUS ON YOU!!!

Life and family...these things will never change bro, you have two choices with them, accept it or reject them all together...but I can tell you the latter is the wrong answer. Ask you parrents for advise and honestly give what they tell you a try, parents are wise even when you are all grown up and can figure your own life out. I am at the point of my life now at 33 where I can start to give my parents advise now....did not happen over night by no means.

And finally work....work is work bro, there will always be days at your job that do not go your way and you are at the same job year after year with no end in sight, but only if you stop there. Keep looking and just keep trying to improve your situation if you do not like it. Your job now being that you have been there for awhile maybe a good place to stay being that I am sure by now they work with your school schedual so maybe starting a new place would not be so understanding. When you finish your degree move on. Remeber there is always someone in the unemployment line that would love to do your job.

You will look back on all of this and just think man those were my problems, holy crap I had no idea what real issues were then....trust me every person over 30 has done it and they all will continue to do it even when they hit 40 and then again when they hit 50 and so on and so on....life is life bro, just have fun taking the ride.

[clavelle]

Pick a fight with someone bigger than you. Nothing turns on my inner motivation like getting punched in the face a few times.

Never though of the S and M approach to get through life....maybe I will keep that one in mind...oh yeah no because I am out of high school and not in the UFC...lol

[Esteban]

I understand the feeling of being low on motivation. I've been there. One thing to learn, though is that if you are low on motivation, go find it. Like you have tried to do by asking others. Great. You are searching. Because like most useful things it ain't gonna kick in your door to find you. Motivations change from time to time, but the vision I describe below has kept me going this year.

I have read about and believe in the benefits of writing down visions of the things you want to achieve. Knowing why you want something is a big step toward having it, and taking the time to write about what you want helps you know why you want it. This includes your reasons for participating in physical fitness activities like strength training or bodybuilding. Thus some time back I wrote of how I envision my return home around the Christmas holidays of 2008 after nearly a year abroad, living well and training hard. My vision of "The Homecoming" is meant as a daily personal inspiration for me to continue a disciplined and industrious lifestyle that includes the benefits of intense strength training and physical fitness. Maybe the best inspiration comes from within, and for some people nothing else is necessary. I understand and on many levels share the mentality of “do it for yourself and nobody else” and “don’t concern yourself with what other people think.” But I would be lying if I denied that the perceptions, notice and comments of other people also serve as inspiration for me. Whether my homecoming will bear any resemblance to the vision I have created is irrelevant. For me this vision of “The Homecoming” serves as motivation for me in the gym and elsewhere, and it also serves as a short-hand code of conduct for handling the situation.

And you, amigo? What do you think about? What visions of the long and short term future drive you? Here's mine at the moment:

Questions: Why muscles? Why fitness?
Answer: The Homecoming

My body is tall, thick, wide, muscular, lean, well-defined and hard as granite. Through my shirt one can see the broad muscles in my back, chest and shoulders, and the flatness of my abdomen. My sleeves are folded up casually to three-quarter length exposing tan skin, powerful muscles and veins in my forearms and hands. Though nobody can see my legs through my pants I know my quads are like tree trunks and my calves flex into softballs. Even from across the room it is obvious there is something physically different and superior about me in comparison to other people. I shake hands with and hug my friends and family and they can feel how big, strong and hard my body is. I chuckle dismissively as I receive teasing compliments from my brothers that I look like I’ve been keeping myself “in pretty good shape.” At other social events I visit with people -- former co-workers with beer bellies holding drinks and cigarettes, or the scrawny ones with pale skin who rarely get out from behind their desks, or the women with fat lazy husbands who spend every week-end in front of the television, and even the average folks who are simply physically unremarkable. They all look me over when they think I can’t see it, touch my arm or shoulder during conversation, and ask how things are going for me, thinking something like, “Shit. Life must be good. He looks like a million bucks. Did he always look like this and I just didn’t notice before?” The men want to look like me, and the women want to be with me, because I have a dominating physical appearance of size, strength and confidence. I am noticeably healthy, well-exercised, well-fed and well-rested. I talk to everyone with complete and casual confidence knowing they are impressed with my physical stature. I am quietly and internally conscious that because I have crafted a powerful body I have changed my life and health for the better which gives me confidence, and thus I carry an aura of prosperity and security, and I am the physical Alpha in the room no matter who is around. People who are powerful in other ways are attracted to my power and want to associate with me. Yet what makes all these features of my physical appearance so much more impressive and attractive to others is that I am authentically humble, well-groomed and fit, but at the same time non-chalant about my appearance, as if my features require no conscious effort to acquire or maintain. Of course I know this is not true. I worked my ass off for this body and its benefits of health and appearance. But vanity, a useful servant to achieve some goals, is a very bad master and highly unattractive to other people. Thus I will not admire my own reflection in the restaurant window, nor will I make gratuitous displays of my muscles, nor will I broach the subject of working out or nutrition at social gatherings, nor will I agree to do something like arm-wrestle the drunk guy who went to the gym a few times this year. Dignity, grace, joy, a warm friendly smile, and above all calm STRENGTH, will be the prominent features that others perceive in me when I go home to visit over the holidays this time. Amen.

[sailo888]

Thank you all for all your words/advices. I think I am finally taking the steps needed to process thru life. Suck it up and just try my best to live the way I wish. Learning patience and not whinning is def hard for me, but I am trying. I guess I just needed a wake up call when it is the downhill time of my life.

I think I have gained back my motivations. I have found the changes I need to improve! I have...came back to the world. No more emo'ness, hopefully. =]

[BLUEBLAH]

Everybody has problems: girls, money, work, it doesn't matter what the particular problem is.

It is how you react to that problem that matters. You were reacting negatively. So you need to change the way your mind works.

You've got lots going for you. You've done something about your body. You're trying really hard at school with your brain. You've got the guts to approach girls. You have good self awareness and are able to admit your weaknesses (eg whining). You're able to look for and listen to advice.

But telling yourself to "suck it up" isn't going to stop this happening again and again.

Medhi gave you great advice on another topic to write down 5 positive things every day. Do you do this? Another idea might be to write down your problems every day and at least 3 possible solutions/options. This will get you focused on problem solving and change how your mind works.

All the best. Nick

[jsing]

Not sure I can add to any of the good advice above but I can tell you this: I'm 39 and I've been there. Life doesn't end at 21 or when school stops or whatever. I can honestly say that I'm a completely different person now than I was when I was 17. I have a job that I like, I have two kids, a wife. These things didn't happen overnight and there were times when I thought things would never get better but they did.

When I was 21, the girl of my dreams ignored me, I had mediocre grades in school, there was a recession so I couldn't find a job even though I had a degree but I stuck with it. A lot changed when I met my future wife because I finally had something to be happy about. The funny thing is, I didn't realize I was depressed until then. Suddenly, my thought process changed because I realized that I was depressing myself and being way harder on myself that others. Being depressed is easy because it's easy to think about all of the bad stuff. It's like a bad habit.

Identify the stuff that makes you feel bad and do something about it. If you fail your finals and get kicked out of school, it isn't over. Find a way to get back to school. If you hate your job, find a new one. After nearly 15 years of working I know that it isn't how much you make but whether you enjoy the job. I don't care if a job pays really well, if you hate doing it you'll never last. Life is too short. It's hard to do at first but you have to decide every day and almost every minute of every day, how you want to feel. Do you want to feel crappy or good. Easy choice but you have to make it happen. Keep it going.