"But I don't want to get bulky!"

[alzheik]

I live in Honduras, Central America. The vast (and I mean vast) majority of people here don't have the slightest clue of how to go get fit/lean/strong. My girlfriend was telling me everything she was ever taught about fitness and weights, and I honestly wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry (I ended up laughing). Some of the highlights for your entertainment:

- Having well-muscled abs is very dangerous for women wanting to have children, because they won't let the belly expand. The child will be crushed in the womb.
- Lifting weights causes your fat to harden FOREVER, so you will be fat AND manly AND ugly and NO ONE WILL LOVE YOU.
- The only way to be strong is to be 6'5" and built like a tank. Also helps if your name is Helga or Brunhilde. Any woman who wants to remain womanly must remain weak and helpless.
- Any woman who is thin was either A) born that way, or B) starves herself. No exceptions.
- Healthy food is tasteless food. Do you want your man to hate you? Then don't cook healthy food.
- "I heard about this girl, my best friend's cousin's grandmother's son's daughter-in-law, and she tried weight lifting one day and woke up HUGE the next morning. No, seriously! Hey, where are you going?!"

It's pretty bad brainwashing, and absurdly hard to cut through. I had to gather tons of pictures, videos, testimonials, etc to convince my girlfriend that weight training would be good for her and it won't make her huge. Unfortunately, she still lives with her family, and they are all crabs. I do my best to keep her spirits up, to keep providing inspiring examples, to help her build and maintain mental barriers against these people she must see and interact with every night when she gets home. Obviously, I have to get her out of there ASAP, but in the meantime, I would appreciate any tips you can offer me to help keep her resolve.

[Mehdi]

I live in Honduras, Central America. The vast (and I mean vast) majority of people here don't have the slightest clue of how to go get fit/lean/strong. My girlfriend was telling me everything she was ever taught about fitness and weights, and I honestly wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry (I ended up laughing). Some of the highlights for your entertainment:

- Having well-muscled abs is very dangerous for women wanting to have children, because they won't let the belly expand. The child will be crushed in the womb.
- Lifting weights causes your fat to harden FOREVER, so you will be fat AND manly AND ugly and NO ONE WILL LOVE YOU.
- The only way to be strong is to be 6'5" and built like a tank. Also helps if your name is Helga or Brunhilde. Any woman who wants to remain womanly must remain weak and helpless.
- Any woman who is thin was either A) born that way, or B) starves herself. No exceptions.
- Healthy food is tasteless food. Do you want your man to hate you? Then don't cook healthy food.
- "I heard about this girl, my best friend's cousin's grandmother's son's daughter-in-law, and she tried weight lifting one day and woke up HUGE the next morning. No, seriously! Hey, where are you going?!"

It's pretty bad brainwashing, and absurdly hard to cut through. I had to gather tons of pictures, videos, testimonials, etc to convince my girlfriend that weight training would be good for her and it won't make her huge. Unfortunately, she still lives with her family, and they are all crabs. I do my best to keep her spirits up, to keep providing inspiring examples, to help her build and maintain mental barriers against these people she must see and interact with every night when she gets home. Obviously, I have to get her out of there ASAP, but in the meantime, I would appreciate any tips you can offer me to help keep her resolve.

Take her with you to the gym, tell her to trust you and try it for 2-3 weeks. Practical experience beats any science/proof. Make her do squats, women like glute work.

[helm]

... I had to gather tons of pictures, videos, testimonials, etc to convince my girlfriend that weight training would be good for her and it won't make her huge...

do you still have that collection?? could really use some arguments to convince my girlfriend...
maybe a few links?

[alzheik]

... I had to gather tons of pictures, videos, testimonials, etc to convince my girlfriend that weight training would be good for her and it won't make her huge...

do you still have that collection?? could really use some arguments to convince my girlfriend...
maybe a few links?

It's all spread out over several computers and emails and whatnot, but here's a few:

Olympic lifters and powerlifters are very good for showing that strong does not neccesarily mean huge.
17 year-old girl deadlifting more than 2x bodyweight
Swedish O-lifter
Sarah Bertram, O-lifter
Deep squats
British powerlifting teenage girl

Youtube is full of videos like that. There's also the link in Mehdi's thread about Victoria's Secret models. One of the big fears many girls have is that lifting heavy will make them ripped. Remind your girl that being ripped is more dependent on bodyfat, not muscle. All her nice female curves will remain as long as her bodyfat doesn't get too low. Tony Gentilcore writes about women and weights a lot, too. I'll stop here, because this is starting to look like it belongs in the Links & Videos subforum. There's lots of material on the Internet, helm, just get out there and look.

[MysCat]

Here are websites (geared towards women) that I visit a lot:

http://www.petitepowerlifter.com/profile_pl.htm
http://www.rachelcosgrove.com/Home.html
http://www.stumptuous.com/cms/stumptuousblog.php
http://www.ironasylumgym.com/womenofpower/karabohigian.html
http://www.132poundsofpower.com/
http://www.musclewithattitude.com/index.jsp

[helm]

There's lots of material on the Internet, helm, just get out there and look.

thanks for the links! I know there is a lot of info, there's just that lazy part of me...

[alzheik]

Update:

I took my girl to the gym and got her doing strength training. Result: she agreed to keep doing it. She doesn't really enjoy it, and she thinks deadlifts and bent-over rows are dorky- but the physical activity and the feeling she gets by lifting heavy makes her feel good. I tell her she can complain to me all she wants as long she still does it. So she'll keep at it, and hopefully her results and my support will keep her motivated.

Now, a question. I've found that Muscle With Attitude and T-Nation are sites with generally good articles and advice, if you look past all the supplement ads. Most of the authors know their stuff, and a little research shows their credentials. But sometimes, articles come along that give me doubts. For example, this article by Chad Waterbury:

How to Develop the Sexy Hollywood Body

In it, he encourages an exercise routine for women that looks like any routine you'd find in a "fitness" magazine. Hell, it even includes fixed amounts of weight per move, without mentioning progressive load or considering that those weights may be easy for some and hard for others. My girlfriend's question is: is there any validity to it? I have heard/read time and again that girls should lift heavy, just like guys. Control your calories, stay off the juice, and you CANNOT get big. We've all heard this stuff from countless good sources, backed by real-life examples and research. But then this article comes out, written by a guy who (as far as I can tell) is supposed to know his stuff, and it's sown doubt into her mind. Thoughts?

[MysCat]

It all depends on what the goals of the woman is. Yeah, if you want a sexy, lean body, you could do that routine I suppose. A lot of fitness models do routines that aren't necessarily strength based. A lot of fitness magazines offer similar routines but also, you can't eat alot and you do lots of cardio. The thing is, a lot of women like that sort of thing - I see a lot of it at my gym. So, I think there is probably some validity to it. Personally, I find those exercises "wimpy" and I just read those articles and laugh to myself. For me, lifting as heavy as I can is much more satisfying and in the end, my physique looks just fine and I don't have to starve myself or do countless hours of cardio (with high reps of light weight) to get it.

[mackanno]

MysCat's last comment is a very smart one, and not only applies to women, it does to men too. We live in a world of illusions, like when people want to live out of their means, act and dress like singers/actors, or in the case of the body, look fit and ripped without the work. At the end yes, they look fit, but strenght is nowhere. The nice thing is we have choices, we can chose to "look" fit while being underweight and fail miserably when trying to lift something, or workout to be truly strong (and by that I do not mean lifting cars or something like it). What I like about 5x5 is that it gives me peace of mind because I am doing something good to the entire body. And when you whole body is happy, your mind is happy too.

Everyday we see men with the cotton candy syndrome: all big on top while having a thin set of legs. They look strong but they aren't. They spend tons of time in the upper body because that's what's easier to show, and the eassiest to build up too, which does not necessarily mean strength. Or the other kind of guys, with amazing abs, usually underweight and again, skinny legs. I have no problem with either of them, it is not my body. What I am looking for is a body in harmony all around. Your body is like a house, you want it to be as good as possible in order to accommodate the most precious thing you have: your mind/soul.

[Bluegreyhound]

I have never been really bulky even at my all-time heaviest weight. I am much stronger than I look though (but that is probably not saying very much now lol). I like knowing that my strength is functional and will help me as I get older.

[mackanno]

@ Bluegreyhound:
Exactly

[hibikijoji]

Update:
you CANNOT get big. Thoughts?

Strictly on a scientific POV - It's just biologically impossible naturally to look manly simply because there isn't enough testosterone for women. They need to take testosterone shots/steroids for anything like those photos (see source http://bodybuilding.about.com/od/womens ... nmyths.htm)

Of course, that's a bit technical so I'm not sure how you will bring that across..

[7611masari]

Tell her that girls have to lift about a zillion times as much weight for their size as guys to look anything like ripped. The only girls I've ever met who got bulky started out with big builds. If she's skinny now, she can't magically transform into the incredible hulk just because she lifts a weight. Has she ever lifted a grocery bag with 2 gallons of milk? Did her muscles magically expand from that? Jeez.