Can't stay motivated

[ukdudeinuk]

I do NOT understand this. When I first started lifting, I had a clear goal, to get strong as FUCK. I realized I was a weak little kid, weighing 128 at 5'6. I got up to around 135-140, and at one point I maxed out my squat at 210. Probably could have done more, but I was afraid to without a spotter or a squat rack/power rack's safety catches.

Then I moved to college, and I got lazy. A couple times, I have been temporarily motivated, but it NEVER lasts. I know I should have tons of motivation...I'm nowhere near as strong as I would like to ultimately be (3x bw squat maybe? I want to be hellaciously strong), my belly is getting bigger...to the point I almost can't see my uh...stuff when im standing up and looking down, realized this in the shower the other day. That is RIDICULOUS that I have gotten that big, I've always been a very, very skinny kid, and I would like to keep it that way.

But none of that is enough motivation. It makes no sense to me. I have the same motivation as before, plus additional motivation, and I still cannot get myself to the gym.

I wonder if it's that I feel like I have not enough time? Between school and work, I don't have very much time with friends or my girlfriend as it is during the week. I feel like being socially active at least among my already established group of friends is rather important, I tend to become a hermit otherwise. Keep in mind that I understand the SL 5x5 does NOT take very long to do in the gym, and that I really wouldn't be losing that much time, but it FEELS as though I would be losing a boatload of time.

I am very likely to be signing up for the Air Force soon. This will provide me with even more motivation, which is to get a better PT score than my father, who routinely runs faster than most of his young troops, and ultimately scores much, much higher than them on the PT test. Even more than that, I want to get a perfect score, just to say that I can. The bad part about this is that the AF is stupid, and requires a 32.5 inch waist. They have an alternative test, which is a VO2 max test on a bicycle...but still.

Anyway, I'm worried that even THAT will not spur me to keep a continuous workout schedule. Anyone have any ideas/thoughts/input?

[holvoetn]

It looks to me you need to identify your priorities first, then set them in the order you want them to be.
As they say in English “You can not have your cake and eat it”.
It is usually one or the other, not everything at once.

It also looks like you are setting some unrealistic goals. Mind you, I am all in favor of setting goals and they need to be challenging but once you set a goal which is too far out of reach, your mind will subconsciously play tricks on you making you loose focus for reaching that goal.
An example is the perfect score. Perfection is extremely difficult to achieve and requires far more effort then e.g. 90% (which can still be awesome !).
Who are you trying to convince here ? Yourself or is this some competition with your father ? If the latter, looks like a bad motivator to me.
If you are convinced you can make a certain goal, try to break it down in mini-goals and move from one to the other.

Looks like you need to put your diet back in line as well.
Proper diet does not have to interfere with your social activities. You decide what you put into your mouth, not your friends.
And why do you want to stay skinny ? What’s wrong with being muscular (and I did not say being fat !) ?

Maybe some of your friends work out as well ? See if you can arrange to work out together, that should provide a bit more social pressure to keep the sessions.

[ukdudeinuk]

Firstly, skinny was probably the wrong word. Slender or slim would probably be better. I would like to get muscular, but I like the relative size I am now. Putting on muscle without gaining much weight, and especially without putting on more inches, is important to me. The PT test is something I really would like to get a perfect on. Pushups and situps are easy, only real hard part is the run, but I can get that too if I work at it.

I was just kinda thinking out loud (typing? lool something) while I was writing that post. The main gist of it is that despite having several forms of motivation, I still cannot stay motivated.

It's also rather difficult to eat clean when
#1- Most of my meals come from the cafeteria on campus. I have little to no choice what I can get. I know salad blah blah but salad is honestly fucking disgusting to me. The options are usually highly unhealthy, but it's that or eat something healthy that i cannot stand, and lose my appetite. I do not like starving myself.
#2 After work I usually have no choice but to eat out, don't have ways to cook etc. The only way i can afford eating out is to do things like buy 3 mcdoubles for 3.21 after tax. Not healthy at all but I'm full afterwards and it's relatively easy on the college student's wallet.

I was not referring to social life inhibiting my caloric intake but rather my making it to the gym hence inhibiting my calories burned. I know if I was still lifting, even if I ate the same, I would not be getting chubby. Might not be looking like a bodybuilder, but I wouldn't be getting chubby either.

This probably made no sense, I just kinda ramble on when I post on the internet usually. Please bear with me ha

Edit: Just saw the last part. I know one person who works out. He thinks he knows everything, and I am not willing to add that sort of stress to my life trying to deal with him. So essentially I have no friends who work out.