Deleting Facebook

[mdonnelly]

Would you do it? I just did. Yes, that may potentially mean I'm cutting social ties with a lot of "friends", but here's the rationale behind my decision:

1) I rarely got on anymore anyway.

2) When I did get on, it became very distracting. Usually when I was seated at a computer trying to do work

3)My profile had pretty much become a cesspool of spam and shameless self-promotion

4)The whole "Status update" thing felt kind of narcissistic to me (not a judgement, just my opinion)

5)Felt like a pawn to the big corporations. I mean, look, they have millions of user's information at their fingertip and the one thing I saw the most of on the site was advertisements trying to target my specific demographic and my particular tastes according to my profile info.

6) Felt that it might be a potential landmine down the road when I start my professional career (which is fairly soon). This is why I cleaned house of ALL the information on my profile before I deleted it.


I'll leave the table open to you guys. Is deleting facebook and good idea or social suicide?

(and when I say "delete", I mean permanently delete, not simply deactivating the profile)

[holvoetn]

I have a profile but rarely use it and definitely not to stay in touch with friends.
Might not be a bad idea to first deactivate it, later on delete it completely ...

[Mehdi]

Would you do it? I just did. Yes, that may potentially mean I'm cutting social ties with a lot of "friends", but here's the rationale behind my decision:

1) I rarely got on anymore anyway.

2) When I did get on, it became very distracting. Usually when I was seated at a computer trying to do work

3)My profile had pretty much become a cesspool of spam and shameless self-promotion

4)The whole "Status update" thing felt kind of narcissistic to me (not a judgement, just my opinion)

5)Felt like a pawn to the big corporations. I mean, look, they have millions of user's information at their fingertip and the one thing I saw the most of on the site was advertisements trying to target my specific demographic and my particular tastes according to my profile info.

6) Felt that it might be a potential landmine down the road when I start my professional career (which is fairly soon). This is why I cleaned house of ALL the information on my profile before I deleted it.


I'll leave the table open to you guys. Is deleting facebook and good idea or social suicide?

(and when I say "delete", I mean permanently delete, not simply deactivating the profile)

1 &2) Contradicting. Check it once a day if it distracts. That's what I do.

3) Unfriend spammers

4) Then don't do status updates and block that of people who update it too much.

5) Then don't post private info.

6) Only thing that makes sense.

Managing a social life without facebook would taking a step back for me. When I went out years ago and cellular phones were still too expensive, people had to keep calling at my parent's house to reach me, was so hard to keep in touch. Then we had cellular phone, much easier especially with texting. But now we've got facebook: I don't to reach people, I can just click the events button and see where everyone is going. Organizing stuff is way easier, so is keeping track of what's going on. And it's free!

Facebook is also source of news for me since I don't watch tV/read newspaper, I get what's happening by reading people's status. Facebook is also big social proof (whether you like it or not, it's how the game is played).

[jpez]

I have it mostly to catch up with old lost friends. What I do is get on once a day have a look and get out, I only add friends I actually know, I'm not interested in meeting new people from facebook, as I said for me it's just a means to get in touch with old lost friends and to see what they're up to which for this I think facebook is excellent for. As i believe Medhi is trying to say it's pretty much what you make of it, it's a tool and it's up to you how you use or abuse it.

[mjh]

I would agree with Mehdi that it may be worth engaging with facebook more consciously rather than abandoning it. I enjoy facebook a lot. It allows me to maintain active relationships with people I do not see often, and would not necessarily email or call on the phone. For example, am FB friends with a few guys I've met in this forum. Not good enough friends to regularly email, but good enough that I am pleased if they congratulate me on my squat PR status updates, and vice versa.

• Have a certain time you check it. Limit that time.
• Be very judicious with who is your friend, or use groups management to decide what you see of them and what they see of you. You can easily have a "real friends" group, a "work friends" group, and an "acquaintances group"
• un-friend or mute people who piss you off. A month ago was accepted a friend request from a classmate. An hour later, I had a dozen inane updates, so I unfriended her. To my knowledge she hasn't even noticed. I could have just muted her, but decided that the updating reflected a personality trait I don't like much
• you can also mute those annoying game, quiz and other applications. On the top right of each update you should be able to see "hide stupidquiz". You'll never see another stupidquiz, from anyone.
• as for number 5, I think that sounds like a good reason to stop using the internet altogether. Just don't read the ads.

[mdonnelly]

Well, different strokes for different folks i guess. I feel pretty comfortable deleting mine. Besides, in 10 years, who's going to give a shit whether a had a facebook profile or not? Hell, no one will probably remember facebook anymore, and there will probably be some other new social networking madness taking over. Maybe then I'll jump on board, but right now, the only things I'm focused on are school, training, and improving my social skills in actual social settings. No judgment on you guys, that's just the way I see things

[Mehdi]

Well, different strokes for different folks i guess. I feel pretty comfortable deleting mine. Besides, in 10 years, who's going to give a shit whether a had a facebook profile or not? Hell, no one will probably remember facebook anymore, and there will probably be some other new social networking madness taking over. Maybe then I'll jump on board, but right now, the only things I'm focused on are school, training, and improving my social skills in actual social settings. No judgment on you guys, that's just the way I see things

I didn't mention this earlier, but facebook really gives you in depth understanding of how people think. See what they post and how they behave.

[holvoetn]

See what they post and how they behave.

I don't post anything there and don't mention what I am doing.
What does that tell ?

[mdonnelly]

Well, different strokes for different folks i guess. I feel pretty comfortable deleting mine. Besides, in 10 years, who's going to give a shit whether a had a facebook profile or not? Hell, no one will probably remember facebook anymore, and there will probably be some other new social networking madness taking over. Maybe then I'll jump on board, but right now, the only things I'm focused on are school, training, and improving my social skills in actual social settings. No judgment on you guys, that's just the way I see things

I didn't mention this earlier, but facebook really gives you in depth understanding of how people think. See what they post and how they behave.

I do agree with you there, but one thing that concerns me is if some people might modify their behavior specifically for the site. Like one of the posters mentioned earlier, facebook is a tool, to be used or abused. Some people might use it to play power games or manipulate other people, which I believe several of my "friends" on there do. It just seems like so many layers of bullshit to cut through to see where people are really coming from. Besides, I had facebook for over 2 years, during which I really observed the way people acted on the site and I really think it's time for me to just get out there and start playing with some of this. Not in a manipulative way, but just to get a holistic understanding of how people operate. Unless somehow humans beings have learned a brand new behavior since I've been off of the site, I think I'll be fine. S

Other than that, I think there may be some social benefits to not having one. Like when Brent from AHW says that women judge your social value by your availability (rather, your lack thereof), not having facebook might increase your social value from that standpoint. Also, it may arouse some women in terms of not having a facebook makes you more mysterious and may throw them off a little because you are not following the social programming that says that you must have a facebook. As long as you don't point it out, i think that many women might want to understand your ways more, because that's something they don't hear of too often. I know that since I've gotten rid of it, I've gotten a lot more texts from women asking me to do stuff. And as far as the manipulation and power games being played on that site, it kind of shows that you just don't give a damn about that nonsense, and that kind of robs them of their power. Of course then they might try to do something in real life, but then that give you the opportunity to observe their other nonverbal behaviors such as tone, gestures, and eye contact. I'm taking an Interpersonal Communications class right now as well, so we discuss a lot of similar stuff there But that's just my two cents.

[Dragar]

It's a useful tool if you use it right and hide all of the useless rubbish. The past week I've been having a lifting discussion with a friend from years back I haven't seen in a while who lives the other side of the country. I'm trying to encourage him to visit here or starting strength - has a knee issue and is using machine squats instead of freeweight, reckons he has no choice!

I'm heading to melbourne in a couple of weeks for a holiday and had lost track of a couple of friends who live there. Found them on facebook and hey presto we're going for beers!

Definitely keep an absolute minimum of personal info on there though. I have my name and that's it - no birthday, address, email, status, job, photos, etc etc.

[Rara]

I have a Facebook account that I started less than a year ago. I'm still enjoying it, especially the graffiti app, so I'll hang onto that account till I feel it detriments me in the same way my Myspace page did.

Having said that, one of my closest friends does not have an account, and he's probably one of the most sociable and coolest people I know. He befriends people where ever we go. He has an account on Yelp, though. So social networking online in some format or another seems inevitable to me...as far as being essential, however, I wouldn't say that.

[mdonnelly]

Well there you go. And like your friend, I think there are tons of other ways to network socially online other than facebook. I have an account on yelp as well and I find out about more legitimate events than I do on facebook. And it's not so damn addicting.

Surprisingly, I forgot to mention my biggest qualm with facebook. Whenever i was pretty into about 1 1/2 years ago, I felt like I was on some sort of "stimulus response mode", if you will. With all the notifications, and different requests, status updates and invites, it seemed like more of a drug than an actual way of communicating and socializing. I admit I was logging in at least once an hour when I was around a computer for an extended period of time. I assume you could get addicted to email or some other sort of online service pretty easily as well, but nothing like facebook. I gotta give the facebook people credit for making a incredibly efficient and effective product, but at the same time, it's not something I want to be a part of.

I have deactivated my account for long periods in the past (this past summer, for instance) and I felt a lot less reactive to stuff and even more social in a lot of situations. That's just me though.

My opinions aside, everybody has brought a lot of valid points to this discussion, which gives me an idea...

I hope I'm not being too brash by doing this, but I'd like to offer a challenge:

- Write a short blurb on what role facebook plays in your life, whether you think it is a necessity, harmless or a nuisance

- Write a thing or list of things that you would like to do over a certain time period in the near future (ex: exercise more, hobbies, read books, be more productive at school/work, travel, spend more time with family, do something you always wanted to do...). Be date specific and go 1 month at the very least.

- Plan on deactivating your facebook account for that same time period.

-After the time is up, write a short blurb on how you felt while off of facebook, and if you did anything anything on your list of things to do

And after that, either reactive your account, or do whatever you want. I think it might be kind of interesting to see what will happen, especially when people begin to observe their own behavior changes. I'd prefer if you guys post the journal entries on this thread so we can all see it, but if you would rather do it on a separate piece of paper, go for it. Just make sure you'll be seeing it often.

No pressure, do it if you want to, but I think this will be a great experiment for anybody who is curious about their facebook usage.

Have fun.

[Mehdi]

I do agree with you there, but one thing that concerns me is if some people might modify their behavior specifically for the site. Like one of the posters mentioned earlier, facebook is a tool, to be used or abused. Some people might use it to play power games or manipulate other people, which I believe several of my "friends" on there do. It just seems like so many layers of bullshit to cut through to see where people are really coming from. Besides, I had facebook for over 2 years, during which I really observed the way people acted on the site and I really think it's time for me to just get out there and start playing with some of this. Not in a manipulative way, but just to get a holistic understanding of how people operate. Unless somehow humans beings have learned a brand new behavior since I've been off of the site, I think I'll be fine. S

Few things
* Why do you care whether people modify their behavior or not?
* People put up a show/are fake in real life too. Facebook is just a reflection of that.
* Nobody can manipulate you unless you allow it.

Other than that, I think there may be some social benefits to not having one. Like when Brent from AHW says that women judge your social value by your availability (rather, your lack thereof), not having facebook might increase your social value from that standpoint. Also, it may arouse some women in terms of not having a facebook makes you more mysterious and may throw them off a little because you are not following the social programming that says that you must have a facebook. As long as you don't point it out, i think that many women might want to understand your ways more, because that's something they don't hear of too often. I know that since I've gotten rid of it, I've gotten a lot more texts from women asking me to do stuff. And as far as the manipulation and power games being played on that site, it kind of shows that you just don't give a damn about that nonsense, and that kind of robs them of their power. Of course then they might try to do something in real life, but then that give you the opportunity to observe their other nonverbal behaviors such as tone, gestures, and eye contact. I'm taking an Interpersonal Communications class right now as well, so we discuss a lot of similar stuff there But that's just my two cents.

* Brent has facebook and posts daily. Add him as a friend for proof.
* You can still be a mystery while using facebook. Don't do what the other guys do: don't put your life online, don't post needy comments to every pics/status update of a girl, don't message them, ... Just do the opposite of what most guys do.
* All of that is playing games. The real solution is to have a busy life. If you have time to check facebook 23 times a day, then you're probably not working a lot. Since most people use facebook from work because they're bored/don't like their work. It seems you're doing it backwards. I don't check facebook more than 1x/day.
* And again: girls are only going to play manipulative girls with you if you play games with them and if you allow it to. And if you're talking about social value: facebook is big social proof. Your friend counter & pictures tell your story to who adds you/who you add.

Well there you go. And like your friend, I think there are tons of other ways to network socially online other than facebook. I have an account on yelp as well and I find out about more legitimate events than I do on facebook. And it's not so damn addicting.

Surprisingly, I forgot to mention my biggest qualm with facebook. Whenever i was pretty into about 1 1/2 years ago, I felt like I was on some sort of "stimulus response mode", if you will. With all the notifications, and different requests, status updates and invites, it seemed like more of a drug than an actual way of communicating and socializing. I admit I was logging in at least once an hour when I was around a computer for an extended period of time. I assume you could get addicted to email or some other sort of online service pretty easily as well, but nothing like facebook. I gotta give the facebook people credit for making a incredibly efficient and effective product, but at the same time, it's not something I want to be a part of.

I have deactivated my account for long periods in the past (this past summer, for instance) and I felt a lot less reactive to stuff and even more social in a lot of situations. That's just me though.

My opinions aside, everybody has brought a lot of valid points to this discussion, which gives me an idea...

I hope I'm not being too brash by doing this, but I'd like to offer a challenge:

- Write a short blurb on what role facebook plays in your life, whether you think it is a necessity, harmless or a nuisance

- Write a thing or list of things that you would like to do over a certain time period in the near future (ex: exercise more, hobbies, read books, be more productive at school/work, travel, spend more time with family, do something you always wanted to do...). Be date specific and go 1 month at the very least.

- Plan on deactivating your facebook account for that same time period.

-After the time is up, write a short blurb on how you felt while off of facebook, and if you did anything anything on your list of things to do

And after that, either reactive your account, or do whatever you want. I think it might be kind of interesting to see what will happen, especially when people begin to observe their own behavior changes. I'd prefer if you guys post the journal entries on this thread so we can all see it, but if you would rather do it on a separate piece of paper, go for it. Just make sure you'll be seeing it often.

No pressure, do it if you want to, but I think this will be a great experiment for anybody who is curious about their facebook usage.

Have fun.

That's why there are more people on facebook: because it's more addictive. And that's why you should use that network instead of others: because more people use it.

The only thing that I read here is that you have self-discipline issues. That you can't keep yourself to check facebook more than 1x/day. Obviously that's their purpose (think of facebook mobilie application, access from everywhere). If you can't control your facebook use, my guess is you can't control email/forums/phone/tv and a lot of other things.

If you want an exercise here's one
* Find your purpose
* Work your ass off on that purpose
* Remove all distractions so you actually do that. That would be internet/phone/tv/etc
* Now you'll be unavailable & mysterious like you want to be, and have little time for games because you're so damn busy.

It sounds like you're doing it backwards.

[mdonnelly]

Mehdi,

You are right, I do have discipline problems, but only in certain areas . Facebook seems to be the worse of the lot. Email, not so much. I check my school and gmail accounts both once a day, sometimes I check my school one twice if I'm expecting an important email. Forums, not so much. While I love the discussions at Stronglifts and on my gym's message board, I really either go on when I have considerable down time (like right now) and I want to post my training log online. I don't watch TV at all either, unless there's a sporting event I really want to see, and many of my friends are always bitching at me because I don't return their texts or calls right away or sometimes at all. I do, however have a problem with my organization skills. I have fallen off a little bit because I have gotten so busy this semester, but I will get my shit together pretty soon

I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but the school organization I used to work for used facebook extensively, and I can't blame them, it's a great marketing tool. But the thing is, while I was a work, I would have people chat to me on facebook all the time and I really didn't get any real work done during those times. Most likely my own fault, but still.

I don't care if people modify their behavior or not, but I'd at least like to talk to someone who seems like a real tangible person, not just some static reflection of their personality. And i never said I allowed people to fuck with me, maybe my problem is that I take issue to it being done so blatantly. I know I shouldn't, but that's just the way I see things

Here's another kicker too: I was super busy during this semester at university (taking 17 credit hours, plus the organization I put in close to 15 hours a week with, plus a internship with an athletic training company, plus a small part-time job), and it seemed like the busier I got, the more stress I got, and the more I would get on facebook during the little down time I had. I don't know what relation that has, but all I know is that when I get super busy, facebook seems like sort of a stress relief for me. It also could be because my social life was somewhat limited this semester due to all the obligations I had

And just because everyone uses/does it doesn't necessarily mean that I should either. A couple of the stronglifts.com philosophies are "Do It For Yourself" and "Experiment", are they not?

As far as your exercise, here's what I got

*Purpose: Get my degree (wasn't sure what "purpose" you were talking about, but I chose my most short-term purpose)
*Working my ass off at school getting good grades and networking with lots of people
*Removed facebook
*If people want to reach me, they either call/text (if I respond to that) otherwise they find me if I'm not busy

I'm not sure how that is backwards, but maybe you could explain more in depth.

What all my yapping boils down to is that I don't think facebook is for everyone. I'm might open up another account at another place in my life, but right now, I know I made the right choice in deleting it. Remove what holds you back, right?

[mdonnelly]

Nevermind, I think I got what you were say Mehdi, but let's just say I have a different style of learning than you do. Not knocking your methods, but I've tried them before and they do not work for me.

Cheers.