First sex question here, ever!

[Avenge]

At least, that's what I guess.

I have this really important issue, and I hope you guys / girls can help me out, seriously. This is very personal, so I'm glad nobody knows who I am.

So, here goes;

I'm having this girlfriend, and we are both each others first. (We just had sex like 20 / 30 times..) But she says she isn't enjoying it, and she doesn't know what it is. Do you guys or girls ever been in this situation? I really love this girl and I really want to make the sex enjoyable for her too..

Any tips from the more experienced men or woman around here?

Already, a great thanks to all of you..

- Ave (Currently kinda helpless ^^)

[l1n3n01z]

First:
Talk,talk, talk. Maybe your girlfriend is too embarrassed to be honest about what's bothering her. You've got to build up trust by lots of talking.

Also, you don't say, but is your girlfriend getting orgasms? If not you might try to encourage her to masturbate, maybe using a vibrator, just so she can build on that. But that kind of suggestion also relies on a lot of trust, i.e. talking

[Avenge]

First:
Talk,talk, talk. Maybe your girlfriend is too embarrassed to be honest about what's bothering her. You've got to build up trust by lots of talking.

Also, you don't say, but is your girlfriend getting orgasms? If not you might try to encourage her to masturbate, maybe using a vibrator, just so she can build on that. But that kind of suggestion also relies on a lot of trust, i.e. talking

Well, talking isn't the problem bro. I know her for a loooooong time, and we're going through some heavy shit, but we are in it together. I'd trust her my life, and I know that it would be just the same for her. And we talk a lot.. Even about this.

The problem is kinda hard to describe. I mean, she does come off, but.. The actual 'penetrating' (Yo mods, if you don't like my language here, please let me know.. I''ll adjust it for you guys, no sweat) isn't exactly what she was expecting from it.

She was thinking that it would be way better with my penis than with my fingers, but she doesn't notice much difference. I don't know if it is 'common', or that we just expected too much from the sex. And eh.. Yeah, my penis is just 'normal-sized'. :p

Maybe reading the Kamasutra, or other books wil help, as we both have very little experience?

[l1n3n01z]

Hmmmm. On the penis vs. fingers. In my experience a normal sized penis is a completely inadequate tool for penetration in the missionary, but does well from behind, as then it can do more g-spot massaging. Also, if she's straddling you, she can have more control over what goes on, and can easily use her fingers at the same time.

Also, maybe you should demand of her to lead a couple of times. I.e. she should be talking, and directing you "more of this, little to the side" etc. That might help.

Kamasutra I'm not so sure about. I haven't actually read it but as far as I know it has all sorts of odd positions in it, that are not really suitable for anyone who's not a yogi superman. Better just get one of the contemporary ones, like the Tracey Cox books. She deals with relationship issues as well.

[Avenge]

Hmmmm. On the penis vs. fingers. In my experience a normal sized penis is a completely inadequate tool for penetration in the missionary, but does well from behind, as then it can do more g-spot massaging. Also, if she's straddling you, she can have more control over what goes on, and can easily use her fingers at the same time.

Also, maybe you should demand of her to lead a couple of times. I.e. she should be talking, and directing you "more of this, little to the side" etc. That might help.

Kamasutra I'm not so sure about. I haven't actually read it but as far as I know it has all sorts of odd positions in it, that are not really suitable for anyone who's not a yogi superman. Better just get one of the contemporary ones, like the Tracey Cox books. She deals with relationship issues as well.

Hehe, alright. Well, kinda crazy, my girl likes the missionairy more when we have sex. And when I'm thinking about this.. Why would she like that more, if I can't stimulate her clitoris there? I'm getting more and more the feeling that.. She's just insecure, or something like that..

And that 'leading' think is some great tip man.. Simple, however I never really thought about it. Hahaha, yes, you might be right about the Kamasutra.

I should go off to train now.. But you, (and anyone !) is welcome to share some tips or experiences.. And you l1n3n01z helped me out a lot.. Already. Thanks brother.

[Mehdi]

Some girls have mental/emotinal blocks that prevent them to get an orgasm even if you're doing things right. So this might not be a "technique" issue but a trust/bound issue. You shouldn't also put so much stress on making them have an orgasm. Some girls just like it when you're having a great time. Just like some guys like it when the girl is.

Some tough love. Maybe she's not enjoying it, because she's not enjoying you. Maybe this isn't about the sex at all but about the relationship you have with her. What she's saying and what she means/feels is often a different thing.

[Avenge]

@ Mehdi,

Well, the problem isn't really that she can't get an orgasm..
It's more, that she doesn't 'feel' my penis when I'm in her..

(To put it quite blunt )

And yeah, i'm her first, and I have a normal sized penis.. So I was wondering what the heck could cause this..

[MANTEARS]

Well, as stated before it could be some sort of mental block and the fact that she can't relax.

Maybe she has weak p.c. muscles or something of that sort. Just a wild guess but maybe if she did some kegel exercises it would help? I've heard that can help women out with such problems.

[keyboardworkout]

Hmmm. Most women don't start acting like that until they are married.

[doit]

Hehe, alright. Well, kinda crazy, my girl likes the missionairy more when we have sex. And when I'm thinking about this.. Why would she like that more, if I can't stimulate her clitoris there? I'm getting more and more the feeling that.. She's just insecure, or something like that..

Missionary position is one of the more "romantic" position where you can have eye contact and lots of kissing, maybe that is what she likes about the position. Plenty of scope for deep penetration aswell.
Imo an romantic foreplay is a true winner in early relationships.
I guess you have tryed out different positions? It varys from girl to girl what they feel on the different positions.

[Trifin]

Not trying to be a dick here or anything, but it sounds like you're both making things way too complicated for each other. It's only sex man. No need for her to make such a big deal about it. With all due respect, you're both very young and insecure and probably have a lot to learn about relationships. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just the way it is for a young couple who've never been with anyone else.

This is some of the best advice here:

Some girls have mental/emotinal blocks that prevent them to get an orgasm even if you're doing things right. So this might not be a "technique" issue but a trust/bound issue. You shouldn't also put so much stress on making them have an orgasm. Some girls just like it when you're having a great time. Just like some guys like it when the girl is.

Some tough love. Maybe she's not enjoying it, because she's not enjoying you. Maybe this isn't about the sex at all but about the relationship you have with her. What she's saying and what she means/feels is often a different thing.

The important thing is for you to comfortable with who you are and not be manipulated into thinking that you're doing something wrong. If she's bringing this up, then obviously she has a problem with you. She may not be telling you what it is directly because she expects you to figure it out yourself. She can use you that way. This is manipulation my friend. She wants to keep you always guessing whether or not you're doing the right thing. This is a sign of weakness on your part. The fact of the matter is, there's probably nothing to figure out. She might just be trying to create drama.

Like Mehdi said, it's not always about the sex.

[Trifin]

I have a normal sized penis..

Are you sure about that?

[sean]

Use your tongue.

[KyleAaron]

What people are missing here is that they are both enjoying the sex, they're just not enjoying the penetration as much as they could be. Our poor original poster has said this several times, but everyone keeps assuming he just can't make his woman orgasm. We assume that because it's a problem we ourselves have had. :p

Well, the problem isn't really that she can't get an orgasm..
It's more, that she doesn't 'feel' my penis when I'm in her..

She should do Pilates or Stronglifts.

No, I am not joking.

When a woman is sexually aroused, her vagina naturally relaxes and opens up. So don't be upset that it's not tight, that means she likes you. If she didn't like you it would be very hard to penetrate, tight and dry. But if she can learn to contract and relax it, she can adjust things to her own comfort level. And you may enjoy it, too

Pilates in particular focuses on "core" strength, lower back, abdomen, and what's called the "pelvic floor." Stronglifts 5x5 builds this up, too. Think of your own penis, it doesn't just pop out of the body, but runs along underneath between your thighs towards your bum. That part there is your "pelvic floor." Do a squeezing motion as you would on the toilet, you feel it tense up.

When a woman does that same motion, her vagina tightens up. Core strength exercises help her do this, so she can adjust the tightness of her vagina to give her less or more sensation, opening and closing it like almost as well as a hand.

Pilates or Stronglifts, either will work. Or just google up "pelvic floor exercises" and see what comes up.

You're talking to each-other, and you care about her pleasure. That's the problem 90% solved already. Trust me, talking and caring is not the most common thing, unfortunately.

[doit]

What people are missing here is that they are both enjoying the sex, they're just not enjoying the penetration as much as they could be. Our poor original poster has said this several times, but everyone keeps assuming he just can't make his woman orgasm. We assume that because it's a problem we ourselves have had. :p

Well, the problem isn't really that she can't get an orgasm..
It's more, that she doesn't 'feel' my penis when I'm in her..

She should do Pilates or Stronglifts.

No, I am not joking.

When a woman is sexually aroused, her vagina naturally relaxes and opens up. So don't be upset that it's not tight, that means she likes you. If she didn't like you it would be very hard to penetrate, tight and dry. But if she can learn to contract and relax it, she can adjust things to her own comfort level. And you may enjoy it, too

Pilates in particular focuses on "core" strength, lower back, abdomen, and what's called the "pelvic floor." Stronglifts 5x5 builds this up, too. Think of your own penis, it doesn't just pop out of the body, but runs along underneath between your thighs towards your bum. That part there is your "pelvic floor." Do a squeezing motion as you would on the toilet, you feel it tense up.

When a woman does that same motion, her vagina tightens up. Core strength exercises help her do this, so she can adjust the tightness of her vagina to give her less or more sensation, opening and closing it like almost as well as a hand.

Pilates or Stronglifts, either will work. Or just google up "pelvic floor exercises" and see what comes up.

You're talking to each-other, and you care about her pleasure. That's the problem 90% solved already. Trust me, talking and caring is not the most common thing, unfortunately.

Thumbs up for that one Kyle.

But he also mention that she's not enjoying it, even if she gets orgasms. And she don't know why.
Then the scope of possibilities suddenly gets much wider.
I also disagree to those who states that "it's just sex". In my opinion its about feelings and love for your partner. Giving pleasure to your loved one to express your feelings for her and not just having sex for your own pleasure. And vice versa.
A good sex life is healthy for your relationship.

im glad you care for your girl avenge