Friends don't lift.

[lovestolift]

So, pretty much what the title says, none of my friends lift weights. They all seem to respect my dedication to lifting, but it took a long time for that to happen. When they call me now the first thing they ask is, "Are you working out today?" before they ask if I want to do something.

I wish that at least one of them would workout with me though, I need someone to spot me. My friend's fiancee wants him to work out with me, but he feels that it would take time away from his kids. Her and I have both told him it would more likely add years to his time with them by being healthier in old age. He's a big guy, maybe twenty pounds over weight, but strong. He would make quick progress, since he lifted in High School (football player). How do I convince him to start lifting with me? And does anyone have the same scenario, with friends that don't lift?

[eLvarouza]

I'm in the same boat. Here's what I've found out:

1. Never talk about your pet peeves at the gym in front of your non-lifting friends, and especially not to your non-lifting friends, because they'll think you're being a dick/know-it-all/etc. and won't want to come with you.

For example, I do have a friend who lifts, but not always at the same time I do. Talking about our pet peeves around our non-lifting buddies always tends to put them off to coming to the gym with us, because they think we'll berate them for whatever they do, which isn't the case.

2. Never be pushy in suggesting that your friend do something different if he indeed does come to the gym with you.

This has happened to me a few times. Someone will come to the gym and do stuff on the machines. I'll suggest that he try doing something with barbells, like squats, bench, press, whatever. I'll offer to help teach, etc. This always gets people pissed at me. Best is to lead by example. If your friend is fucking around on a machine and sees you deadlifting 400lbs in the background he'll probably ask you how he can get strong enough to do that.

3. Don't push people into coming, and don't take it personally if they stop coming.

Someone needs to be motivated internally to go. I once had a couple friends want me to coach them so they could get stronger / build muscle. I started them off on the Starting Strength program and showed them how to do things. After one week they both quit and I haven't seen them at the gym again. Maybe it was lack of motivation, maybe I should've told them to dick around on the machines for awhile, I don't know. The point is going to the gym is a big thing for a lot of people, and it's a gradual change.

I do have some friends who I'm going to convince to come to the gym with me during the fall semester. My plan is to see if they want to come, and if they do, to ask them in a laid-back non-pushy manner if they want me to show them how to do the stuff I do (basic barbell exercises) and if not to let them do what they want. Then, I'll just lead by example and hope they pick it up.

However, most of my friends haven't ever lifted. It would probably be easier to convince someone who has lifted before to do barbell stuff.

[Barry06GT]

I wish that at least one of them would workout with me though, I need someone to spot me. My friend's fiancee wants him to work out with me, but he feels that it would take time away from his kids. Her and I have both told him it would more likely add years to his time with them by being healthier in old age. He's a big guy, maybe twenty pounds over weight, but strong. He would make quick progress, since he lifted in High School (football player). How do I convince him to start lifting with me? And does anyone have the same scenario, with friends that don't lift?

I don't know him (all disclaimers apply), but as soon as you here a guy say "it would take time away from his kids" you have to say wait a minute... Ask the same guy to go to the titty bar and he forgets he has kids.

My only point is you can't convince someone to do something they are not already excited about. That would be like trying to get me to go camping.

It would be far easer to ask someone you see at the gym on the nights you are there to partner up.

.

[bhughesiii]

My only point is you can't convince someone to do something they are not already excited about. That would be like trying to get me to go camping.

Sometimes you can. My girlfriend despises camping, yet she is willing to come with me and my family this summer.

[lovestolift]

I don't know him (all disclaimers apply), but as soon as you here a guy say "it would take time away from his kids" you have to say wait a minute... Ask the same guy to go to the titty bar and he forgets he has kids.

Actually, he's not like this at all. He's only 22, so you would think he would be like that, but he's a good dad and a devoted husband-to-be. I'm not sure what is really holding him back. He has the go-ahead from the missus, and I even offered to move my equipment to his house to make it easier for him. It would be less convenient for me, but I would be able lift in a basement where I could drop weights if necessary, rather than in an apartment where I can't. That, and he has a treadmill I could use.

It would be far easer to ask someone you see at the gym on the nights you are there to partner up.

Unfortunately (for this aspect), I work out at home. So this isn't an option. Plus I work out at different times, so it'd be hard to coordinate with someone at the gym. It wouldn't be as hard because I work with my friend, so we can plan our weeks based on the work schedule.

[lovestolift]

@eL- You've got some good points. I was thinking that I could ask him to check my form on some exercises sometime and see if I can get him interested that way. I could just let him know what to look for. He's one of the most giving people I've ever known, so I could probably get him to do it.

[MikeD]

You seems to have a lot of love for your friends, lovestolift, haha. I've had all my good friends lift with me at least once. Three of them have stayed consistently. And trust me, I tried thinking of all sorts of ways to get them to come.

There was one quote...I can't exactly remember what it was, something like "Your friends are the people with whom you share the things that you believe make life worth living." That pretty much sums up my reasoning.

I had one friend, the laziest person I know, that I managed to have him come over to lift. He stopped after two weeks. Then a month later he randomly asked to come back. He did well, got up to 175 lb squat, 205 dead, etc, then just stopped coming again.
People are strange like that.
So suggest it to them, let them know that you'll help them and that they can trust you won't be making fun of them. Well, you can make fun of them a BIT, they wouldn't be your friends if you couldn't.

[Bluegreyhound]

Very few of my friends lift. Most of those who do are very much into bodybuilding, especially upper-bodybuilding. In terms of training, we have different goals, so I respect their training principles and routines and they hopefully respect mine. Occasionally, I get asked about sprinting and deadlifts.

[summerss]

I can tell you one reason why it can be hard to get friends to go and workout with you. If you've been training a lot longer than them, it may feel like training with powerlifters. Lets face it I wouldn't want to go to a gym and be surrounded by people lifting twice what I can lift. This may not be the case, but it might feel like it to someone who isn't familiar with gyms.

[dylanamus]

Get your friend around without any premise of lifting. Time some of his visits so that you are half way through working out and just "quickly finish off" while he's around. Exposure is the key. The sight of weight lifting equipment is alluring to any man. Charismatically feed him the bait. Let him grow interested on his own account, with some skillful manipulations to assist, of course.

Keep the time he sees you lifting short and sweet, but manly. You'll scare him away if it seems to take forever and grows boring.

Figure out if he is familiar with the lifts on SL. If not, spread brief explanations out over several visits while he's waiting for you to finish lifting, but don't use an overly enthusiastic tone. Once he knows all the lifts on SL and is starting to show some level of interest, hand him a print out of the summary of lifts (Workout A, Workout B). Explain how you schedule it and then talk up it's fat burning and strength developing goodness. Telling him how easy and quick it is should help.

If all this doesn't result in him taking interest in lifting, then now is just not the time.

[Tintin]

Great advice guys. I have similar friends and relatives I want to get involved with the beauty of stronglifts 5x5, but getting them to the gym and not having them run away while you are showing them deadlifts is not easy.

I have to stop myself when I talk about some of the idiots at gym because I must sound like a total douche.

[jfh26]

Very few of my friends lift. Most of those who do are very much into bodybuilding, especially upper-bodybuilding.

+1

Getting your friends to lift with you is hard, pretty much for the reasons everyone has listed so far. I had one friend who came to the gym with me all the time for a couple months, then we went on Christmas break, and after that he worked out with me once over the next 4 months. I haven't worked out with him since, and I don't think he has at all. He was doing well, but you simply can't get someone to lift with you if they're not as interested in lifting and in doing it right. Someone who won't put in your level of effort and who hates exercises because they're "too hard" can be difficult to work with. However, as most everyone has said, the most you can do is lead by example.

I can tell you one reason why it can be hard to get friends to go and workout with you. If you've been training a lot longer than them, it may feel like training with powerlifters. Lets face it I wouldn't want to go to a gym and be surrounded by people lifting twice what I can lift. This may not be the case, but it might feel like it to someone who isn't familiar with gyms.

I don't necessarily agree.. When my friend was working worth me, him seeing my lifts so much higher than his (not that they're all that high ) actually motivated him to try a little harder to catch up with me - again, leading by example. But of course, this only worked for the "fun" exercises, namely benching and the dreadful leg press (which we were unfortunately doing at the time...)

Keep the time he sees you lifting short and sweet, but manly.

I like it

[lovestolift]

I finally managed to get one of my friends into the gym (not the guy that I wanted to go with, but a guy that needs it as well). I signed up at the same gym he doesn't go to (meaning that he has a membership, but doesn't attend). I put him on Starting Strength. He's about 5'7" at 130 or so. Hopefully he sticks with it. I plan on donating my home gym set-up to my other friend so he doesn't have to leave the kids when he works out. Thanks for the advice guys.

[guru]

I finally managed to get one of my friends into the gym (not the guy that I wanted to go with, but a guy that needs it as well). I signed up at the same gym he doesn't go to (meaning that he has a membership, but doesn't attend). I put him on Starting Strength. He's about 5'7" at 130 or so. Hopefully he sticks with it. I plan on donating my home gym set-up to my other friend so he doesn't have to leave the kids when he works out. Thanks for the advice guys.

Bravo LTL. Both of these acts are very kind on your part. I've recently got one of my colleague-friend on SL 5x5. I did have to change to a smaller & less equipped gym for that, but made sure it met the basic requirements. One benefit was that I saved some money in the membership.

[22Alpha]

The sight of weight lifting equipment is alluring to any man.

I like this quote.

Why did you start going to the gym? Perhaps you would try to entice your friends with that idea.