Impressing others/yourself

[Rocky89]

Stop impressing others and start impressing
yourself. The feeling you'll have from that will
be . . . impressive.

The impressing people is something that I try hard to ged rid of. Surely the main obstacle is social conditioning.
It has been also my main source of motivation throughout my life, that's how I grew up. So this issue is really important to me...

When you try to impress others the way that you tend to act like distracts you from your true self. I often feel diconnected somehow, between two vectors which point in the opposite direction.

They say, that when you describe a random person with a negative adjective, then this adjective attributes yourself, too.
I hate hippocrites. But as I realise I am my self a hippocrite, too. As I became aware of my 'bad' motivation I started to avoid people, seperate myself, this was the state I felt not compromising, not fake, but being true to myself.

Trial and error... the error occured, I felt lonely.
Nevertheless I didn't want to succumb to any falsehood, to this motivation, that would decrease myself to a dog. So I continued in this manner. Really, at enough parts of my life, I felt really empty.
But... I fell again into the impressing-people-you-don't-like-trap.
I started exercising to build my physique, BB-crap and showed off. People acknowledged me, but I felt pity for their superficiality, and in the end pity for myself.
I started to seek true information. Came across stronglifts and started to educate my self through genuine literature. This is now where I am.
I am still learning much and will always be, but aplying wisdom is difficult.
I'm on my way to change my motivation, to impress myself rather than others. I often feel confused about my actions, since now there doesn't really seem to be a significant change.
It's difficult to explain, being motivated to change his own motivation isn't really funded...


I think I gain some valuable information through this process and I also like to share it with others. But, what occurs is, that I'm not convincing, like when people don't accept that squats are healthy for their knees.
I know, some people would tell me to stop caring about others, just care about yourself.
This is not acceptible for me. I want to contribute something, to influence others in a positive way.


hmm...As I read through this post, I'm stuck again between those two vectors...I don't know if you can understand, what I try to explain, I'm confused myself... Maybe this thread won't be answered by anyone...this is just a slight extract of my thoughts, more of a monologue, but maybe it has a significance, I don't know...I really dunno

[Jerzi78]

Stop impressing others and start impressing
yourself. The feeling you'll have from that will
be . . . impressive.

I want to contribute something, to influence others in a positive way.

You just FUNDED it with this one simple line, Build on it.

Turn that "want" into a "will"


You don't have to try and impress yourself or others, it will naturally happen with the dedication and motivation to contribute.

[Rocky89]

Pretend you are on top of the world

Don't want to delude myself into any false thinking. There are others for example who squat more or are better in school than me.

Also, don't try too hard to show off, that just shouts insecurity. Just do it slightly, e.g. wearing a short-sleeved shirt.

right.

Turn that "want" into a "will"

yeah, in order to do this I will have to increase my own skills tremendously. E.g. Nobody will listen to me when I'm not able to Squat 2xbw. Neither will they do in other areas if I don't seem as a role model.
I often catch myself in being too setentious, perhaps also patronizing...

You don't have to try and impress yourself or others, it will naturally happen with the dedication and motivation to contribute.

yes, my false assumption of cause and effect.

Have still much to learn. I really am experiencing an information overflow.

[JohnP]

E.g. Nobody will listen to me when I'm not able to Squat 2xbw.

It's not working this way. Stop thinking like that. People will listen to you when you know what you are talking about, and your lifts are not that important. Train for yourself.

[Mehdi]

E.g. Nobody will listen to me when I'm not able to Squat 2xbw.

It's not working this way. Stop thinking like that. People will listen to you when you know what you are talking about, and your lifts are not that important. Train for yourself.

Stop thinking like that indeed, it's a limiting belief. You should think "everybody wants to hear my opinion all the time about everything".

Imo if you really want to impress people, you should get really good at something. Also read a lot so you get overall smarter and can lead convo's easily. If you just read 1 book a week, it will make a huge difference 5 years from now.

But I don't really get why you're so concerned about impressing people. What's the benefit of that? The only answer I can think of is ego satisfication. You don't need people's approval or attention.

[Rocky89]

JohnP wrote:

Rocky89 wrote: E.g. Nobody will listen to me when I'm not able to Squat 2xbw.



It's not working this way. Stop thinking like that. People will listen to you when you know what you are talking about, and your lifts are not that important. Train for yourself.



Stop thinking like that indeed, it's a limiting belief. You should think "everybody wants to hear my opinion all the time about everything".

The thing is that I know what I'm talking about, but people listen to huge bodybuilders when it comes down to working out. It's not really about strengthtraining exclusively, anyway.
Most people aren't reasoning or at least aren't trying to reasonate with logical arguments, instead they're convinced by superficial things.
I think, that only when I am able to stand out, to impress others, to be better than average, only then will people assume me as a role model.
I don't want to become setentious, patronizing or a 'wise guy'.

But I don't really get why you're so concerned about impressing people. What's the benefit of that? The only answer I can think of is ego satisfication. You don't need people's approval or attention.

Yes, it is ego-satisfaction... My actions were motivated by the approval and the attention of others.
That's how I grew up.
But I will change this, although it requires much self-awareness.
It's just difficult because I start from scratch and really don't know how to change my mindset, I only know that I have to neglect the present one.

Also read a lot so you get overall smarter and can lead convo's easily. If you just read 1 book a week, it will make a huge difference 5 years from now.

Yes, knowledge is power.

[Mehdi]

The thing is that I know what I'm talking about, but people listen to huge bodybuilders when it comes down to working out. It's not really about strengthtraining exclusively, anyway.
Most people aren't reasoning or at least aren't trying to reasonate with logical arguments, instead they're convinced by superficial things.

Then let them listen to huge bodybuilders. I never tell people what I do or how I train or what I eat. Girl asked me past weekend "you train?" I answered:"no I was born like that" then changed topic. I don't need people to acknowledge that I train, I don't need their point of view because it's usually wrong anyway and I don't care about convincing them to my way of thinking neither, because it doesn't make a difference to my life. And most of all: you don't make friends by being a smartass.

Usually they find out after a while that I run this place by checking out facebook or because one of my friends couldn't shutup. Then if I meet them again they might tell me about their problems and then only will I give them my views on things. But I'm always sending them back to this site and tell them to read and if they have questions come back to me. From my experience: most people just don't get this far, they give up much sooner because they don't really want what they want. So why waste your time convincing people who don't really want what they want anyway?

When you start something new, and you really like it, you want other people to discover the same thing. Imo it's better to make friends with people who are already interested in the same stuff rather than trying to convince others to your way of doing/thinking.

[Rocky89]

I see, that you prioritize advice over convincement and I can figure out why.

I understand your point.

I shouldn't aim to be a totalitarian smartass...

I tried to find some contra-views, but I find myself deleting what I have just typed in.
You're right.

Doesn't really the fact ,that people acknowledge you for what you are doing, make any differences in your life? Please elaborate.
How do you compensate for external acknowledgement? Hm, should be obvious, by internal acknowledgement, I guess...

thx for the post btw

[Mehdi]

I see, that you prioritize advice over convincement and I can figure out why.

Like I wrote, when you start something new, you always want to take your friends/family with you into the thing. But from my experience that just doesn't work. You can't force people to change (because that's what you want to do), they must want it first.

Doesn't really the fact ,that people acknowledge you for what you are doing, make any differences in your life? Please elaborate.
How do you compensate for external acknowledgement? Hm, should be obvious, by internal acknowledgement, I guess...

thx for the post btw

I started to stop caring about people a little after I got into lifting. You get so much crap like "protein not healthy for kidneys", "squats bad for knees", "all that water bad for kidneys", etc. So at one point you realize that it doesn't really matter what people say or think because you feel better than before. Then working in a helpdesk for 5 years teached me to stop taking what people say personally & to control myself. The helpdesk experience was on a personal development level probably one the best things that ever happened to me.

But I really stopped caring about what people think & say when I started this site, because I got (and still get here & there) critique for what I'm doing. That's what happens when you start to draw attention, some get jealous for no reason and will say nasty things. So make sure you know what you're asking for when you say you want to influence people. Anyway: that's when I realized that no matter what people say or do, I'll get where I want in the end anyway, and no-one was going to stop me. I highly recommend you read Napoleon Hill's Law of Success. He calls this "the penalty of leadership". Quote: “If a man has built a sound character it makes but little difference what people say about him, because he will win in the end”

So that's the negative side. What about the positive side? The encouragement, nice words, thanks yous, you changed my life, etc. Well you get used to it too. It's not that I'm ungrateful or anything and it's definitely great to get confirmation that what you do is good, but you just get used to everything after a while. So it stops making any difference for you, whether it's good or it's bad.

I think that my answer is that I know who I am. Sometimes people will tell me who I am according to them (negative or positive things, but without really knowing me) but I know better than anyone who I am. I guess it's having a strong sense of identity, having strong self-confidence and coming to the realization that whatever people think or say it doesn't change anything about your life. That's when you become indifferent to everything.

One way to learn this: everytime you do or want to do something, and you have this inner voice saying "wait, what will people think", then do it on purpose. Same thing with fear, everytime you feel some fear, do it. The more you do this, the more you'll stop caring/increase confidence because you'll experience that it's not as bad as you thought anyway. People tend to fear things that never happen.

I'm far from perfect myself, I've got my own issues to deal with. I'm only 28,still have lots to learn, making mistakes all the time. But at least I'm aware of it when I make errors and learn from it. It's only when you're aware of something first that you can change. What helps for me is keeping a diary. I started doing for my training & finances 5 years ago. It took me a while to take the same approach to life in general.

Hope that helps.

[Rocky89]

Yes, that helped, thanks ( you're used to it, but anyway ).

I've reread your post now several times to keep some things in mind.

I should buy 'Law of succes'...next week...definitely
Just now I've started to keep a diary, but still have to make some experiences on how tu use it productively.

One way to learn this: everytime you do or want to do something, and you have this inner voice saying "wait, what will people think", then do it on purpose. Same thing with fear, everytime you feel some fear, do it. The more you do this, the more you'll stop caring/increase confidence because you'll experience that it's not as bad as you thought anyway. People tend to fear things that never happen.

Very true.
I've read this in pavlina's book, I think it was in the chapter about courage. Strengthtraining helps me to get this trait, like when you still show up even when the weight freaks you out. I like making analogies to weightlifting, because this transfers so well also in other areas. I've learned some very useful things with strengthtraining.

I'm 19 right now and this year will be full of challenges. Only recently I've started to become aware, so I inform myself on how to cope with major issues. I often get overwhelmed by information, the obstacles and by the things that I demand from myself, but, well there is no away around. Still, long, long way to go...

I'm far from perfect myself, I've got my own issues to deal with. I'm only 28,still have lots to learn, making mistakes all the time. But at least I'm aware of it when I make errors and learn from it. It's only when you're aware of something first that you can change. What helps for me is keeping a diary. I started doing for my training & finances 5 years ago. It took me a while to take the same approach to life in general.

Mistakes and errors are part of succes.
Good luck on achieving your goals, Mehdi!