Pagangoddess's Training Log: Advancement to an Elder Goddess

[pagangoddess]

Thanks Leon. He starts his treatment this week. I plan on calling him on Friday to see how it's going.

I think I will enjoy the program. Now I need to pick the accessory option. It won't be much as tax season will be upon us & I'll be working more. And that's a good thing.

Not sure what today's workout will look like but I'll do something. My son has the flu. I'm almost 100% sure it's H1N1. A girl in his class has it & his symptoms are in line. If his fever doesn't break today I will need to take him to the doc. Lucky for me I have a treadmill & some dumbbells here or I may wait til hubby gets home tonight & go to the gym. We'll see how they day goes.

[Wellhairedbeast]

Ah that sucks, it does seem to spread through the schools/playgroups, a couple of people at work have had time off to look after their kids who have had it. I hope he recovers soon.

[FatGuyNoMore]

Where u been PG? Everyone ok?

[LizzyLifts]

Yes, I'm wanting to know too, PG....lets us know when you can.

[pagangoddess]

Things are ok. The flu bug seems to be gone now. My son went back to school on Wednesday. He has a bit of a cough but it is getting better especially with the breathing treatments. So far no one else has come down with it.

My brother started chemo. It's rough. His partner called me yesterday morning needing a shoulder to cry on. I can only imagine what it must be like for him to watch his partner of 18 years battle this. But I talked with his parnter a little while ago & my brother's appetite was up tonight. He was out getting chinese. My brother loves chinese. They remove the pump on Sunday then he'll have a 3 week break before starting another 4 day round. After that he'll be finished with the chemo.

I started counseling this week. I have a lot to think about. Been spending most of my spare time reading & journaling. This is going to be an intersting journey of self discovery/redefining. On one hand some of the things I'm learning is liberating. But on the other it's left me with no real sense of who I am. For too long I've defined myself by the wrong things. I recently went back & looked at an old paper I wrote for a values class I took in 2004. The values in & of themselves aren't the issue but the reasons why they're my values. That's the heart of the matter. My past is not just a part of who I am . . . it is who I am. (I can't believe I'm admitting this to everyone ) Now that I've realized this I can do something about it. It will take time but now I can finally move past & move forward.

Anyway so that's where things are at. I worked out a couple of times this week but nothing to write home about. Going to the gym with no plan is not working for me anymore. It's time to take it in a different direction. So I'm starting SL beginner program on Monday. I've laid out my progression. I'll be back at my old strength levels maybe more by mid December. Once I've milked that for all it's worth I'm going to find something that requires ZERO thinking. As evidenced by the last 4 months I'm not cut out to do any programming myself. Maybe some day but definitely not now. 5,3,1 will have to wait awhile longer.

I've been on the AD for 2 weeks now. I defintely called it right only allowing one carb up day. However the dairy is giving me problems. I may have to modify it a bit. It may end up looking more like paleo as opposed to AD.

So there's the recap of my week. Now aren't you glad you asked?

[Buffalo150]

PG-

That's a full plate you've got there...

Here's wishing you strength for the journey.

-Bflo

[atypical1]

Heck of a week you've had indeed. Good on you for starting SL again. I know you didn't ask but maybe having a set routine, something in your life that's going to go according to a plan, might be good for you. Just a thought.

james

[nburge]

PG - no-one can escape their past. It has to be part of
you. If you've made mistakes or held values that are no longer true then don't beat yourself up about it - move on. I don't have any regrets because if I did I'd make the same damn mistakes again. Good luck.

It sounds like your brother is getting the care he needs. At least he has some supportive people to keep his spirits up. We're all thinking of him and hoping for a swift recovery.

Looking forward to your return to SL - I'm sure it will help once again.

[pagangoddess]

Bflo - Thanks for the warm wishes.

James - Yes a crazy week indeed. Things should settle down now that I've had my "light bulb' moment.

PG - no-one can escape their past. It has to be part of
you. If you've made mistakes or held values that are no longer true then don't beat yourself up about it - move on. I don't have any regrets because if I did I'd make the same damn mistakes again. Good luck.

It is a part of you I agree & escaping the past is not what this is about. Mentally & emotionally I'm still stuck there. My counselor & I were discussing anger. He pointed out that one of the reasons why I'm so angry all the time is because it keeps it alive. I don't have to let go or say goodbye.

I wouldn't say the values were mistakes. In looking back I think they were chosen for good reasons at the time. But I'm not there anymore. It's time to live in the present.

As much as I want to hurry up & get this over with I'm forcing myself to just wait it out. All the shit that goes on in my head, all the self torment, everything that has driven me . . . . it stopped in that one realization. For now I'm just going to enjoy the peace & quiet. The rest will come in time.

Looking forward to your return to SL - I'm sure it will help once again.

I'm looking forward to it also. It's time to kick some ass.

[holvoetn]

I second the comments made above. No need to repeat what has been said better by others

I'm looking forward to it also. It's time to kick some ass.

You know, this is where you can safely direct all that anger to ... the barbell can take whatever you will ever be able to do to it.

[Ghost]

Hope you get all that stuff that's bothering you sorted out soon PG. Good luck to your brother also for a swift recovery.

And like big H already said, the barbell is a good thing to target all your anger to.

[LizzyLifts]

PG!

Thank you for the update. You are one strong person. Glad to know your son is doing better. And good news about your brother too. I hope things continue to progress well for him.

I know the therapy sessions can be quite tough...interesting, but tough. I also know you have the insight, motivation, and strength to do it.

...I started counseling this week....On one hand some of the things I'm learning is liberating. But on the other it's left me with no real sense of who I am.

wow, i agree. The whole process of the kind of deep self-evaluation you are doing would give me the same feeling as well, at least initially. I'm betting the core of who you are is just fine...you just have to get back to it, or update it a bit

Glad you'll be back doing SL as well!

See you in Workouts A & B,
liz

[mjh]

All the best PG. I'm sorry to hear about the stuff that's whirling around you for the moment, but you seem to be self aware enough about what needs to be done. Maintain faith in yourself, as hard as that may seem, because it's clear to all that you're a very strong woman.

[Wellhairedbeast]

Good look to you and your family right now, your having a rough time but as mentioned above your clearly strong and thats just what your brother needs right now - strong family members to help support him.

Nice to see looking to jump back on SL5x5, you will be back to where you should be in no time at all.

[pagangoddess]

Thank you everyone for the kind words. Not sure if you realize how much they mean to me. Just know that they do.

I'm done with this log. Here's the new one.