Self-Conscious

[rizon]

I wanted to post this to see if anyone else has this problem and what they do about it.

First off, I love lifting weights. I love lifting the heavy weights and every time I add more weights to the bar. The problem I'm having is when I go into the gym, I'm self-conscious and seem to be more focused on how much other people in the gym are lifting and how much I'm not compared to them, than I am with lifting the weight. Does anyone else have this problem, and what do they do about it?

[Bluegreyhound]

I wanted to post this to see if anyone else has this problem and what they do about it.

First off, I love lifting weights. I love lifting the heavy weights and every time I add more weights to the bar. The problem I'm having is when I go into the gym, I'm self-conscious and seem to be more focused on how much other people in the gym are lifting and how much I'm not compared to them, than I am with lifting the weight. Does anyone else have this problem, and what do they do about it?

I don't have this problem. But if you do why not take your ipod loaded with songs that psyche you up, make you feel good and then focus on lifting. Ignore the others in the gym. They are not going to positively impact your training.

[Cleave]

Rizon,

I understand your problem. When I started in the gym I was very weak (still not real strong, but working on it) but I am a big guy and look stronger than I am. I think for years I let what people think get in the way of me progressing. Because I was lifting heaver weight than I should, with bad form, I couldn't progress. I also never followed a plan but looked at what everyone else was doing and/or did my own thing with just my favorites. I avoided squats and deads cause I didn't like to do them. The were hard.

It's hard, but you have to swallow your pride and commit to the program. Start with the bar and don't worry about what everyone else is doing. Be focused on your own goals. Just think that "I'm on my own program." Don't worry that your only in the gym for 30min while everyone else is in there for an hr and a half. You will progress. You will catch up to those guys before you know it.


Cleave

[atypical1]

I've been on both sides of the fence before and understand what you mean. I used to not be as strong as I am now and even now there's plenty of guys lifting more than I am but that's part of the fun. It's hard not to think that you should be lifting more and this is especially true if you're competitive. So make it a sport. Instead of being self conscious be competitive and think about how you're going to be lifting those heavy weights soon. Make that a goal of yours and create a plan to reach it. You'll get to those heavy weights before you know it but you need to have patience.

Also, believe it not nobody cares what you're lifting. Seriously, as long as you're not taking up the power rack doing curls with the bar and maybe a 10 on each side you won't get a second look.

james

[Jinithith]

I have a mild case of the problem. I don't really compare myself to others though. It's usually me looking at myself and being like "blah, narrow shoulders." "skinny forearms"

I just try to ignore that and start lifting.
After a while, all the compound lifting gets my muscles pumped and I feel good

[ttotten]

This reminds of a time in the gym about 4 weeks ago when I was squatting about 225 or so, I don't remember the exact date. Right next to me there was a guy that put 315 on the bar. At first I was a little intimidated and then I saw him squat to about a 45 degree angle. From that point on I was sure that doing things the right way was going to take me a lot farther. Now I'm in my 10th week of SL5X5 and I squatted 275 today. The program works!

Today that same guy had the same weight squatting the same way.

36 year old male
BW 232 lbs BF est. 18%
Squat --- 275 lbs 5x5
Bench Press --- 200 lbs 5x5
Dead Lift --- 295 lbs 1x5
Overhead press 140 lbx 5x5

Goals: Squat 315, BP 225, DL 340, OP 165

[vhalros]

You don't compete with other people in the gym, it does not matter if you lift more or less than them, if your form is worse or better than theirs. You are competing with yourself from a week ago, from a month ago, from a year ago. Lift more than that guy.

[Jinithith]

after a month of SL, I just get a kick out of people grunting their way through quarter squats and then exchanging high fives with the spotter

[NotNowChief]

That feeling does pass.

If you feel like people are looking, it doesn't mean they are judging or getting down on you, people are naturally curious just to see what other people are doing, they might be thinking positive things if they are looking-
"hey, that guys got decent form",
"At least he's deadlifting",
"stick with it man I remember when that was heavy for me".

You'll find most people in the gym are not judgemental jerks and just as often the more and bigger they lift, the more wisdom and perspective they have on lifting so they aren't sitting there thinking they are better than anyone just because they lift more.

Also, if someone has more or less weight you never know how many sets and reps they are doing with it anyway; are they pyramiding weights; doing drop sets; have a light day in their program; just learning a new lift; already done 3 exercises on that bodypart; trying for a rep max etc

You can see there are just too many variables to consider to waste your time worrying about what other people are lifting or why. Anyone who does lift big knows thay anyway and isn't worried about what you're lifting; he probably remembers when he started out and lifted less than you anyway.

Plus, if you stick with stronglifts, you will see results happening over the weeks and months. Not everyone in the gym will be getting that.

[Lafata]

I'd say a good way to get around this is to get a workout buddy roughly the same size as you. It puts you both in the same boat and you don't feel like the oddball for not putting up as much weight as the other guys. Like NotNowChief said, people may not be looking at you and thinking "That guy can't lift anything". They are probably saying "He's lifting a lot for his weight", "He has nice form" or even "That guy may not be lifting as much as me, but he has better form".

It's all interpretation; while some people may be looking down at you, you work out for your own personal goals, not theirs. While it is great when you can look strong, it's even better when you can think to yourself what you had to endure and the hard work that you put into it to get there.

Good luck.

[thefinalsql]

Yes I have that issue. The tiny guy(compared to me) lifting more than twice what I am squatting. I just think to myself I will pass him some day.

[danangeles]

I had the same thoughts when I started but just remember....youre doing this program for you, not them. We all care to some extent what others think of us, but when it gets in the way of what we think of ourselves it becomes a huge problem.
Keep working at it.
When I started I was squatting the 45lb bar, and it was a little embarrassing. Hell, a couple guys even chuckled. screw them, I squat more than they do now. If I had quit, or tried adding more weight so I wouldnt look foolish I wouldnt be where I am today.
You can improve. If you think you can, you will. We all start somewhere and those who laugh at you have just forgotten where they were at the beginning.
Good for you for being man enough to admit your fear, now go and kick the shit out of it!

Dan
Hard work pays off, that means that easy work is worthless.

[Juliet]

Maybe it's just a guy thing (I'm female) . I used to feel self conscious but really started to notice that no matter what gym I've been to serious lifters are just thinking about themselves and looking in the mirror at themselves etc. I really don't think people look at me (or you) and have any opinion. IT's all about them. Once I fully realized this I became more comfortable. Now I'm one of those people that's
only thinking about/looking at myself ..it's all about me and my stength gains.

[icanhascheezburger]

Odd as it may sound, the main reason I'm doing Stronglifts is to get myself comfortable with measuring myself on a personal scale rather than a peer-dependent one. That's actually more important to me than the gains.

One of the beauties of the program is that it's so straightforward--go in. Lift weights. Finish. Fail every so often. Do it again. Overcome the barrier, keep on going. Progress really is as simple as that; most people complicate their development by clouding their heads with how they're doing relative to everybody else, whether they're keeping up, whether they're better than others or secretly getting laughed at...

If you're like me, you probably have a few experiences in your past that make you assume that when others look at you, they think poorly of you, and that you have to prove your worth in order to be likeable. Maybe it was a bunch of judgmental peers, or when somebody you love betrayed your trust. Makes you think that other people who are more accomplished think you don't belong amongst them, don't like having you there, consider you an anomaly or whatever.

Well, you're not lifting for them; you're lifting for you. It's cliche to just tell you "ignore them", but that's only a partial answer. The reality is that you don't know what they're thinking, and you shouldn't waste your energy making assumptions about them, positive or negative. Just go in there and focus on lifting that bar.

It's a lot like being on stage, isn't it? The best performers don't spend their energies wondering what the different people in the crowd are thinking; they just focus on the dance, on the music, on the act, on the words that they're delivering.

I still find myself trying to benchmark against others a bit...looking at the 180lb guys benching 240 like it's nothing. But what's nice is that I nowadays look at them and wonder if I can get there someday, rather than feeling like I don't measure up. I just remind myself that you get there by doing the work, and that I'm not responsible for being as strong as them, as good-looking, or as impressive; all I'm responsible for is getting through what's in front of me today.

[wrenchhands]

I had it at first, but then once I got into my lifts, I got off on the feeling a little. It's fun to be the only dude at the gym OHPing, squatting, deadlifting, etc...

People are all there to read magazines on their damn ellipticals and nautilus it up. I think it's funny when everyone is peeking at me as I'm half way through my squats, red and yelling.