Playboy wrote:Letting things progress and happen on their own would be nice if they always did, but they don't. That's why guys fail with women. Men have to make things happen
I agree an effort has to be made, but only over things that can be controlled ethically. The only thing that can be controlled ethically is the expression of your desire for her. It's when you try to control her perception of you that it crosses into unethical (and ineffective, imho) territory.
A brief look at the AMP video still gives me the impression of perception management because managing perceptions is all about controlling information through hiding (or toning down somethings) and highlighting (or making up) others. That's manipulation, that's unethical.
The AMP video gives the example of a man who has a lost at sea sensation inside of him and another who projects the image of a solid red oak (the different chords) and then says it's no secret which man the woman will choose.
Trying to be that red oak, even when you feel like you're lost at sea, is an act of manipulation. And that's where the objectification of women lies. It fails to see women as having a choice in the matter. The fact is that different women will choose different guys at different times. The fact that it is her choice and not under control is what PU as a whole doesn't understand or ignores. It says be that red oak and you WILL get the girl when in reality, the girl can and often does choose the guy who seems like he's lost at sea.
It's not about removing choice, it's about giving choice.
And that can happen only with honesty about oneself and one's desires. You can't give them a choice when you're trying to be something you're not, even if its momentary.
Advertising is a great example. And the Google Ads for 3rd party weight-loss products on this site is an even better example. Losing weight is hard work. It's about burning more calories than you take in. Simple. But to do it is hard work. And to lose fat and not muscle is even harder work. It takes discipline, sacrifice, and a lot of energy. The results are worth it, but it's a lot of work.
When it's painted as something easy, it becomes a lie. When it pretends to be something it's not, it becomes a lie. When it does so to "attract" paying customers, it's unethical. It's also ineffective.
The only "fitness" things I've bought into are the 5X5 program and my gym membership. And they're both honest about what it takes to get and stay fit. Sure, both turn others off, but I feel both honesty is attractive (to the type of women I like anyway) and being honest allows the girl/consumer to make an informed decision. It comes back to giving choice, not taking it away.
PU is also harmful to men, preventing true self-confidence and acceptance. Using the AMP video as an example, it says only the red oak guy will get women and the lost at sea guy doesn't. Besides being untrue, it also makes the guy who is lost at sea feel worse about his position, further preventing him from expressing his desires because he sees it as futile to do so unless he becomes the red-oak. This further makes him question the chords striking inside himself rather than the chords she is striking. You can't be confident if you're constantly questioning yourself by constantly comparing yourself to some ideal. It further compounds the problem when other "naturals" programs start saying "this is what naturals say and do because this is how they feel inside".
This is false for a couple of reasons. First, while I generally believe I am responsible for my own happiness, I also believe people have an effect on me. I don't care what people think in so far as it doesn't change how I act or feel about myself. But if someone is painfully shy or just an ass, it's definitely going to affect how I feel about them. That's the one thing AMP got right. People pay attention to how they feel around others.
In terms of women, if they fail to turn me on (either because conversation is forced, silences are awkward, or we just have interests that are too different or uninteresting to each other), I'm not going to be very flirty or sexual with them. On the other hand, if conversation flows, we're laughing and touching each other, I'm more likely to get turned on and more likely to make a move.
Now, my self-confidence and feelings about myself allow me to make a move when I am turned on. I don't feel guilty about wanting sex or being who I am (even if I tell at poop and fart jokes). But even when I did feel negatively about myself, I realized the only thing game came down to was being honest about my desires and who I was no matter how I felt about those desires or myself at the time. I could be lost at sea, and as long as I made a move, if she was into me, she'd not stop me. And the types of girls I like for more than just physical reasons made moves back on me.
I now realize I cannot control that.
Take this attitude next time you go out cruising for girls: show AND tell. When you hit on them, you should be telling them (in these words or through actions) "this is who I am and this is how I feel right now, and I'm never going to change that. I think you're hot and the things I want to do to your body are illegal in some countries. But I'm not going to change who I am for you. I'd like for us to get to know each other, but I'm okay with waiting till after we get naked for that." You could be nervous, you could be confident. You could be serious, you could be having fun. None of that matters. But the communication of your desire for her and your commitment to being yourself is essential.
I'm at a stage in my life where knowing her is more important than hooking up with her. I know women like me. I know I'll make a move if I like her and am attracted. What matters is who I make a move on. So I wait till I get to know her to do so. It's not a game I run to get women. Some women find that attractive, some don't. Even the ones who do might be turned off by what they learn in the process. I might be turned off by them as I learn about them too.
But I'll admit I've had nights where it was purely about the physical. In which case, wanting to get to know them outside the extents of that situation was dishonest and a waste of my time. Believe it or not, some women are okay with that, some are not. But I still had to find out where she stood on the issue of one night stands and one night stands that night and a one night stand with me.
If sex happens, it's because we wanted each other. If it doesn't, it means neither of us was right for each other. It's not about what I did right or wrong, it never was. It's impossible to do wrong by being yourself when you've found Mrs. Right or even Miss Right Now.
There's a difference between attraction and being turned on. Guys are so focused on how attractive they are rather than whether or not they are actually attracted to and turned on by the girl, and that's what screws them up.
If guys want to succeed with women, they only need do one thing - give her a choice by being honest.
But I did. These guys have been a great help and encouragement through some tough times for me and they probably don't even realize it. - Pagangoddess
SitemapIndex
RSS Feed