How to Deal with The Wise-guys
May 13th, 2008 by Mehdi Tags: Inspiration
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I’ve talked about The Crabs in the past. Here’s another one for you. Wise-guys. Al Pacino defined Wise-guys in the 1997 movie “Donnie Brasco“.
A wise guy’s always right. Even when he’s wrong, he’s right.
Wise-guys are everywhere: work, family, relationships (”Wise-gal”), friends, gym, Internet, … They always know better than you, even if they don’t. And some believe their stuff so much, they can make you doubt what you do.
How to Spot Wise-guys. The above definition probably already rings a bell. You’ve met wise-guys before or have some in your social circle right now. Wise-guys always display these typical behaviors.
- Give Unsolicited Advice. While you didn’t ask for anything. Can’t shut up. Always share their views instead of listening to other people.
- Nitpick. With the only intention of showing their superiority. Correct you on small things that don’t matter when looking at the big picture.
- Challenge. Without any intention to challenge their own beliefs. It’s all about showing they’re smarter than you.
Why Do Wise-guys Act Like That? Some Wise-guys are unconscious of what they’re doing. The worst cases do it on purpose: they’re well aware of what they do. In both cases Wise-guys act that way for 3 reasons.
- Ego. The ego’s natural defense mechanism is to attack. Wise-guys are driven by their ego. If their ego feels attacked by you, they’ll defend themselves by showing their superiority.
- Low Self-esteem. On the inside they lack confidence and have a low self-esteem. They’ll qualify to you by showing off with their knowledge, skills, belongings, achievements, … Anything that feeds their ego.
- Jealousy. They’re jealous of your accomplishments. Insecurity of dropping out, caused by a lack of self-confidence. Ego feels attacked. Instead of doing what you did to get there, they’ll try to stop you.
How to Deal with Wise-Guys. Philosophical conversations and constructive criticism are all good. But changing people’s mind or proving yourself is unnecessary. And trying to win arguments is wasting your time.
- Stop Caring. Let it become noise. You hear it, but it doesn’t affect you anymore. Don’t think or know this, become it. How? By acting in ways that shows you don’t care. Eat differently at work, train differently at the gym. The more you do things differently in public, the less you’ll care.
- Agree. Life isn’t like school where you get points for giving the right answer. It doesn’t matter who is right. Agree. Or say you’re free to think differently. Or tell them that you might be wrong, that you’re often wrong about things. What they think doesn’t matter anyway.
- Ignore. Focus your time & efforts on the achievements of your goals. Again: it doesn’t matter what they say or think, so don’t waste time replying to/trying to win arguments.
- Be Confident. Wise-guys can believe what they say so much, even when wrong, that they can make you doubt about your own stuff. Don’t rely on what people say. Do your own research. Read books.
Example. You’ll meet people who won’t agree with our philosophy. Who won’t agree with training for strength, using weight lifting exercises, to build muscle and lose fat. Fine. They’ll do what they want, we’ll do what we want.
Sometimes I get challenged. I’ve been challenged on the cardiovascular fitness post for example. Genuine questions: I have answers. Challenges: I don’t have time for you. You have the Internet, do your own research.
Sure I could be wrong. I’m often wrong. Anthony wrote my attitude changed since he started to come here. Expect it to change more in the future. Nothing is permanent except change. I’m in a constant learning phase.
Do you know Wise-guys? How do you deal with them? Share in the comments.
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the thing that really hit home was the fact that the wise guy often believes in what he is saying so whole heartedly that he makes his interlocutor doubt himself..
How do you deal with a wise guy? Agree and let it become noise, as you said.. There is no time to lose, especially gym wise..
great great post Mehdi
Great article, I have a few friends like this
I haven’t really faced this too much with regard to my workouts. I have with my food at times but I just don’t let it get to me. I know what works for me and as you say, it’s just noise.
I just say, “thanks, I appreciate your input.” Then I continue doing what works for me. I’m not in this world to please anyone else.
Oh, crap. I think I’m a wise guy.
What happens if the wise guy is actually offering you good advice, and just completely ignore what he’s saying because you stereotyped him as a ‘wise guy’?
Serious question - how do you tell a ‘wise guy’ from a wise guy?
Nice answer Randy Hunt. I have the trouble of having a wise gal as a girlfriend
tough…
Challenge to squat 1.5x their weight. Once they stfu, piss on’em.
Normally what I do with wise guys is, I smash a bottle over their head and stomp them to death. Then I toss them in the trunk of my car and drive them out to the middle of a cornfield somewhere and bury them. You have to make sure they’re dead first, otherwise they may wake up during the drive and you’ll have to stab them repeatedly by the side of the road. That almost never happens though.
Ha! That’s too funny. I train at about the same time and place in the gym with a few guys that do strong-men training. The ringleader is an arrogant, smack talker who intimidates more than a few people. One other guy in the group, chimes in but is definitely not the “alpha dog”. One guy remains stoic and quiet and the fourth, lets the whole thing just wash over him. He is the intellectual and a great sense of humor. My advantage is my age; I can’t out-lift them but I can out-smack talk them and don’t give a crap about their weak, high school girl smack. Most of the time I laugh along with them and other times I’ll laugh and just tell them to STFU and lift some weight. They know I am unaffected by their trash talking. They gave me a nickname as they do everyone else it seems and I derided them for the lack of originality and creativity and told them do better.
If you show you’re intimidated or just annoyed with them then just kill them like David says.
I think I’m in the same boat as Stork. I do some stuff that may be “wise guy” behavior, but I’m actually trying to help. For example, I’ve been trying to convince a friend of mine to start a good workout program (such as 5×5) instead of just going in and doing a couple sets on the machines from time to time, but he always ignores the advice.
Frankly if I try to give someone good advice (and I have good evidence and reasons to back up my advice) and they ignore it without giving me a good reason, I just stop trying to help and figure they can just figure it out for themselves eventually.
I find it easy to differentiate between a “wise guy” and a wise guy because the “wise guy” never has adequate information to back up his claims.
When I read this article, I though: this is what most of my family is like! Logic, reasons, facts - none of this works. The other technique I use is to not talk to them, or at least not on certain topics.
The most vivid incident of the ‘wise-guy’ behaviour is when I was still at home and someone came to visit my father for business. My father stopped the conversation and felt the need to correct the visiting person on how to hold a pen, to improve their grip (not that there was anything wrong with their grip). I remember the look on that guys face: he was so insulted. It was crystal clear my father had to do it for his ego. I was so ashamed.
I strongly agree with the reasons Medhi mentioned. I found it can also be an issue of complacency or fear of change. They feel the need to project their way of doing things onto you to try to not only boost their ego, and for the other reasons above, but also in the hope they find someone else that validates their thinking, which they know is flawed but refuse to give up/change.
Awesome article.
What works best for me is just say.. “thanks, I’ll try that” in respect to training. They feel good for helping out someone and I feel good because they have just shutup and walked away.. its perfect.
@Stork
Constructive criticism is ok. Surround yourself with people who can give you constructive feedback.
If you are a wise guy: realize first that people don’t like people who don’t mind their own business. Then understand why you’re doing it, observe yourself doing it - without judging.
I think a lot of the time, the issue comes from a difference in goals - strength-trainers trying to give advice to bodybuilders is as bad as bodybuilders giving advice to strength-trainees (which is what we usually experience). Once you recognize this, you can understand why someone says, for example, “don’t squat below parallel” and explain that we’re on a different philosophy/system/schedule that does require us to do exactly that.
This will only work if the wise-guy in question is sufficiently broad-minded to be able to see beyond his body-building dogma.
Very good article.
Open-minded people that are constantly looking for new impulses, new knowledge - in short, people that read stronglifts.com - should be beware of wise-guys. It is so easy to be impressed by their absolute certainty and vast knowledge about everything. At first you give them your attention, thinking there just might be something there for you, just to leave disappointed when you discover their motives: ego and power, just as Mehdi writes. So my piece of advice: be sceptical, be cool, and don’t be too easily impressed.
Hi, sound like a wise guy is a emotionally immature person. Like my 10 years old sister she thinks she always right don’t even think to teach her anything. Anyway to all wise guys GROW UP.
Mehdi nice topic you keeping this blog interesting.
This article applies to all walks of life. I work with a couple people that are like this.
Because the biggest threat to oneself is the E-G-O, once you smash it you are free from any outside attack.
@David:
can I borrow your truck? I have some “gardening” to do, LOL
Mehdi, great post again. Keep them coming!
Useful post for many people.
Crabs and wise-guys have in common they both tend to criticise people, usually to feel better about themselves. I don’t know the best way to deal with those, but you shouldn’t get into an argument with them, don’t let them piss you off or change your state. Just keep being the same person you were before you got attacked. I haven’t really tried it properly, but I’m going to just appreciate the people who criticise and attack me, I’m going to interpret it like they really care about me and feel like they have to worry about me doing the right things. I’ll tell them I’m doing fine and they don’t have to worry about me.
A Wise Person will listen to and reply to your point of view.
A Wise Guy will utilize straw man and other tactics. They don’t care about your point of view or even the truth. They live to argue, not to resolve or to compromise. They simply must be correct, even when they are clearly incorrect.
Example One:
Wise Guy: “There is no Global Warming.”
Wise Person: “So what? We should all drive buses to work until we can’t even see through the smog? It really doesn’t matter if Global Warming exists or not, we should still respect the environment.”
Wise Guy: “But there is no Global Warming.”
Example Two:
Wise Guy: “George Bush is great.”
Wise Person: “Then why does he have the lowest presidential approval rating of all time?”
Wise Guy: “Because I hate his strategy. But I’ll vote for him again anyway. I’m never wrong.”
Example Three:
Wise Guy: “Cops protect us and prevent anarchy.”
Wise Person: “Really? Then post your address here and I’ll come speak to you about that in person.”
Wise Guy: “Are you crazy? I can’t post my address online. Some nut will come burn my house down.”
Wise Person: “But I thought that cops protect us and prevent anarchy.”
Wise Guy: “They do.”
Example Four:
Wise Guy: “Drugs, guns, and prostitution should be outlawed.”
Wise Person: “But this is America. We believe in liberty and free enterprise. Prohibition only empowers gangsters, drug dealers and the judicial system to get rich off of society’s weaknesses. History has proven this repeatedly.”
Wise Guy: “But drugs, guns, and prostitution are wrong.”
Example Five:
Wise Guy: “High Intensity Training is for dopes.”
Wise Person: “High intensity is a requirement of any training program at some point in time. Everything works if you apply it correctly.”
Wise Guy: “But you need ‘X’ volume.”
Wise Person: “Indeed you do. But High Volume Training requires frequent layoffs and/or periodization to prevent overtraining and burnout. High Intensity Training just lowers the frequency and the volume for the same purpose.”
Wise Guy: “But High Intensity Training is for dopes.”
Wise Guys should be pitied for their weak egos. See them as the children that they are and it’s a lot easier to let it go. That’s unsolicited advice. Am I a Wise Guy? Only if it doesn’t help someone. I’m not perfect, I just care. That’s elVarouza’s problem as well. It’s good to try to help people. Just don’t let it become more important to you than it is to them. Mehdi is a great example to follow. He cares, but not enough to argue that he’s correct with people who don’t care. Sifaan is correct. Keep that in mind when you read articles as well. A study may show that ‘X’ is best for strength, but if your goal is size, ‘X’ may not be best for you.
Example Six:
Wise Guy: “HIT is superior to HVT. You guys should all try it.”
Wise Person: “Mehdi helps so many people to get started that I don’t think it even matters what program he promotes. It’s all good stuff.”
Cheers, Mehdi.
One of your great articles, mostly because the matter you deal with is not only gym-exclusive. The wise-guy is an everyday nuisance. I agree with you everywhere, but mostly at the out-of-subject: “Sure I could be wrong. I’m often wrong. Anthony wrote my attitude changed since he started to come here. Expect it to change more in the future. Nothing is permanent except change. I’m in a constant learning phase.”
Generally I just ask wise-guys ‘why?’ and when they realize they haven’t got any idea they generally stop argueing.
“You must wear a belt on that excercise!”
“Why?”
“Because it’s bad for your back”
“Why would it be bad for my back? My back is stronger then ever and I never injured it. I think excersising with correct technique is healthy for your back!”
“Ehr”
I enjoyed this article; it’s definitely up to your usual standard. Actually, it seems that your thoughts have really blossomed now that you have a strong readership and are not afraid to be original. You’ve been writing about things other than weight training, thus showing the confidence and insight gained from dedication and hard work in the gym.
“Wise-guys can believe what they say so much, even when wrong, that they can make you doubt about your own stuff. Don’t rely on what people say. Do your own research. Read books.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself. We mustn’t allow doubt to creep into our hearts and undermine the self-confidence gained from possessing knowledge. It is enough to know facts; an attempt to belabor the mind with petty justification is wasted effort that will only impede learning new things and making good use of the knowledge one already holds.
Certainly, one should not pay much attention to the chattering of the common man. After all, talk is cheap. Books require much effort to write and are rigorously checked by the editor to ensure veracity. To be sure, knowing where an idea comes from is of great importance in determining its validity.
“Let it become noise. You hear it, but it doesn’t affect you anymore. Don’t think or know this, become it. How? By acting in ways that shows you don’t care. Eat differently at work, train differently at the gym. The more you do things differently in public, the less you’ll care.”
Some people set great store in being open to different ideas but lending ones mind and ear to every idiot with some half formed idea will only waste ones time. The man that rebels against conventional ‘wisdom’ by acting differently proves himself to be someone who can make up his own mind and hold steadfastly to what he knows to be true.
“Philosophical conversations and constructive criticism are all good. But changing people’s mind or proving yourself is unnecessary. And trying to win arguments is wasting your time.”
This is very good advice. I definitely enjoy a good philosophical conversation but if it turns into a debate I always tell the other party, politely but firmly, that I’m not interested in arguing - such behavior is equally repellent in the philosophy department and in day to day life. Arguing is an unproductive waste of time that no educated, reasonable person should take part in.
I like your point about the unsolicited advice the best. There are a lot of people who try to tell you what to do who have never tried it themselves. Most of the time it’s people you’ve never asked anything who want to tell you something, and one wonders if they’re trying to bring you down or are really trying to be helpful sometimes. Nice post; thanks.