Billy asks...
What do you do when life hits you square in the jaw? Where your commitment and focus is 24/7 at the bedside of a love one after a long illness and their recovery takes up your full attention?
What to do when you obviously can’t workout under these types of life’s blows and your diet is going to suffer as well?
What you should be doing is train. You're not going to convince me that you can't free 3h/week to go to the gym, lift weights, and - most important here - keep your sanity. Heck, worst case you just Squat, which would take less than 30mins, and you'd still be doing more than 95% of the guys in your gym.
Some guys, when one thing in their life goes bad, react by throwing all the rest down the toilet too. They get into this negative, downward spiral where losing your job or breaking up with your wife doesn't seem enough. They also need to quit training, eat crap, let themselves get fat, maybe even stop showering. Total self-destruction that obviously only aggravates the situation they're in.
Other guys react to the exact same circumstances by keeping everything they can control under control (and you control more than you think). Because as Henry Rollins wrote in his legendary essay "Iron and the Soul" (1994), I quote...
The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength.
As an example, during the time I was coaching StrongLifts Platinum Member Tom (page 76 inside the 5x5 report) he broke up with his girlfriend, his best friend attempted suicide, and he had lots of family issues. Many days he didn't want to get out of bed, didn't want to eat anything and didn't want to train.
Yet he DID. I never saw him skipping a single workout.
You'll say "but my situation is different", and I reply: put me in your exact same situation and you'll still see me training. Because it's been now 12 years since I started lifting, and while I have trained 45 weeks per year on average, it NEVER was a day at the beach - working 2 jobs, working shifts & weekends, working nights, starting my own business, working 100h/week, not sleeping enough, often not motivated, freezing in my gym, too hot in my gym, injured, sick, ...
Yet ALWAYS lifting.
I'm not special. I just know that life is tough and mean, and that you better get used to it fast. Start by reading Alan Low's amazing story for a new definition of "life hitting you square in the jaw" - this guy is doing with 1 arm and 1 leg (in his frigging 50s!) what other guys with twice the limbs are too lazy to do. Jeez.
Look, you shouldn't be as extreme as Arnold Schwarzenegger who claimed that he didn't go to his father's funeral because he had a competition. But you better make sure that you get a change of mind when things get rough.
I don't care what your situation is but you go to the gym, lift and then eat. One, you'll feel better afterwards. Two, you're the guy - toughen up.
Great post – Might I add this quote from Jim Rohn: “The best thing you can do for somebody you love and who loves you is to be the best you can be”
So let your drive and motivation infect your loved one. Say: i don’t give up on life so you better not do it either
I’m sorry but this is ridiculous.
“I don’t care what your situation is but you go to the gym, lift and then eat.”
I had an inguinal hernia which would pop out any time I lifted anything over 2kg. My maximum I could lift was 5kg. If I did lift 5kg there was a real chance that the hernia would become strangulated and I would have to undergo emergency surgery. Until I had a hernia repair, I could not train.
You used to have genuinely good quality advice; what you’re providing now is dangerous, and could lead to someone getting hurt.
There is a line between laziness (using illness, circumstance as an excuse) and genuinely being unable to train. The problem is that most people don’t find that line (it’s generally farther than they think; you normally can do more than you think you can). What you used to do was motivate people to see that they could do more than they thought most of the time. By denying that there even is a line (ie you’re saying that you can train under any circumstances and if you don’t then you’re being a ‘sissy’) you sound like a fool.
The bad thing is, I’m sure someone will believe you.
I understand not being able to motivate yourself to leave the house in those cases. But you can do stuff around the house. Push-ups, air squats, deadlifts (you probably have some heavy things laying around — even if it’s just copy paper or books or a bag of clothing).
The only recommendation I can make is that you do this out of sight and hearing of your sick loved one, if possible. That person might become resentful. Of course, if it’s truly a mutual love relationship, the sick party will be happy that you’re not letting yourself deteriorate into a potential state of illness yourself.
One of the first recommendations for people suffering depression is exercise.
I don’t think that while you mind isn’t 100% there you will achieve greatness, but chipping away at your squatting certainly helps.
“Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realise the difference & move on.” ~Rollins
Tom, in all honesty: Someone with a medical condition should know what is best for him. I think Mehdi is fully aware of the fact that risks of injury should be accounted for in the gym – with or without a medical condition.
BUT if you could lift 2 kg without harm, then you know what to do until you are capable of lifting more.
Nice reply Felix! I don’t think it can be said better then that.
First off I am not a lifter at least not now, but I am a Martial Artist and have been for 23 years. I read your work for the attitude and the uncompromising motivational stance.
And I train. Every day an hour a day, for ever. I do my work and do my forms and my katas and my calesthenics. When it is hard TRAIN, that IS when it matters most. That is when you become the person you really want to be.
I lost our home betting on our business to make it. Then the economy took our business. I trained more and harder. It was the only thing that kept me sane and moving forward.
Today as the dust is settling and we are recovering. I train more than ever and guess what. Students have been seeking me out and things are aligning.
At 55, I am fitter than ever and doing what I really love rather than trying to build a business that was utterly uninteresting to me. Depression has turned to joy because I trained.
My hat is off to you Mehdi! Compliments on your work here, I never cease to be impressed.
For those of you new to StrongLifts, when Mehdi talks, listen. It’s about lifting, but it’s also about how to face life with courage, conviction and joy.
thanks!
Way to go, Mehdi!
for 47 years I have used working out as the basis of my life. I have met many challenges and always got my workouts in. sometimes just bench press and squats but always hitting the iron.
you are no good to your loved ones if you don’t take care of yourself.
I agree lifting is a great anti-depressant. Whenever life has thrown me some serious curve balls, my workouts definitely helped me relieve stress. I know FOR ME..hitting the gym hard will beat any pill any day.
I’m not sure if that was the complete message from Billy of if he went into detail and you left it out for privacy reasons.
I say this assuming that was all Billy said in his message. You have no idea what situation this person is in…and how they help their loved ones recovery. You have no idea if he is taking care of this person 24×7 to complete exhaustion. That they are at their bedside all the time. I thought your response was insensitive because you based it on YOUR past history. Working 100 hours and being injured yourself is not the same as helping a loved one recover from serious health issues. It might take every ounce of energy physically and mentally for him to help this person. So…3 hours leaving them is too much.
Honestly Medhi, people have been through a lot of sh*t in life…and what you list there is nothing. Working night shifts.. Freezing in the gym…come on! What a joke to say that. Try having your child in the hosptial with cancer. Your brother in a coma after an automobile accident.
Very insensitive..
When things were at their worst last year, training was to thing that kept from from sinking into self pity and despair. Having goals and seeing results are powerful motivators.
Next post should be about training frequency while in the ICU.
“I broke both of my ankles in a treacherous rollover accident, and punctured my lung. I’m typing this on a laptop while a machine breathes for me. How much should I reduce my weekly squatting or should I infact increase the frequency to fight through the adversity?”
It was while my wife was breaking up with me that I started to train. You can’t cry while you’re doing pushups.
Mehdi,
I enjoy your articles and what you’re doing immensely. I’ve got to agree mostly with Tom on this one. Most of the time people will use any excuse to not train and then wonder why they’re not making progress. However, there are some circumstances where training is nearly impossible. Even if is possible to train in some circumstances, you’d be an awful person to train instead of sitting at a loved ones death bed.
I don’t intend the below to come across as harsh, but it may. I apologize ahead of time for the. I love lifting weights, I think it’s an awesome way of life. Let’s set the record straight though. Lifting weights is not the purpose of life! That’s not why we’re here. People are so much more important than missing a workout. I know you’re an atheist, but you’ve made your own god out of working out! Ask yourself this. When you’re old, on your death bed, and looking back at your life, do really want to think, ‘The best thing I’ve done in life is deadlift 400+ lbs and help thousands of others to do the same.’? As a christian, my purpose in life is to glorify God. I hope that I can look back and say ‘The things I’ve done in my life will be beneficial for all eternity.’ Here I am on a weightlifting blog talking about God but too many of us (myself included) are loosing focus of what’s really important in life. There’s more to life than lifting weights and making money. Those who never realize this I truly feel bad for.
Use common sense people.. Mehdi UNDERSTANDS that injury obviously sets back training. Example: I cant train my back muscles if my back is broke = common sense. He is saying that if you dont have an extreme circumstance, and are able to get away from your given situation for a period of time, use that time to train. He isnt saying if your wife is going to pass away in the next 24 hours you HAVE TO use 1 hr to go to the gym, he isnt saying if your leg is broke continue to do squats..
Use your brain. Good article Mehdi
Very few of us will make contributions to the world that will resonate for all eternity. The best we can do is try to enrich our own lives and be good to those around us. One way I’m enriching my life is through lifting. I find it has made me happier and healthier. That being said it is only one aspect of my life and it takes up only a fraction of my time. It is such a tiny element to my life that I can devote all my extra time to family, work, friends and myself.
The above post is true, there is more to life than lifting weights and making money. There are friends and family. The gym will always be there, but your children will grow old, leave, and you will not see them as much as your ancestors did. Your parents will die as well. Your friends come and go. Enjoy them while you can! Of course exercise and fitness are important, but be careful. The guilt from neglect of your relationships will stay when your body has wasted away. I am not religious, so don’t make any one thing your “god”.
Seriously, folks. If you’re physically incapable of moving, by all means take a week off. Mehdi isn’t talking about you here. He’s talking about mental toughness and the therapeutic benefits of pushing yourself to meet a goal. I suspect that most of the guys posting about insensitivity or lack of proper focus are doing so because they’re too young to know better.
Look, stuff happens. People leave you, get sick, bring you down, all that. You should certainly give them the support they deserve (not necessarily the support they expect). But this mindset that difficulties are going to come up that will require you to drop the positive efforts you’re making in your life is loser talk. You’re setting yourself up to fail. Making excuses. I’ve seen lots of people do it. They’ve all had tougher lives than me and they’re almost all pathetic wimps.
On the other hand there’s the Fattest Guy in My Gym. I’ve been watching him for awhile now because I’m interested in people and despite being a candidate for Biggest Loser, he comes in, works hard on the treadmill and all the machines and sweats like a beast. So yesterday I was chatting with him and he gave me his story. Six years ago he was twice the size he is now, somewhere north of 600lbs. He had a tumor on his pituitary and was given six months to live. In the middle of his radio-chemo, his liver shut down and he spent who-knows-how-many-hours dry heaving bile. One day he was lying on his side with black goo leaking out the corner of his mouth and feeling like this was enough, he’d rather die than go on. Then his youngest daughter came in unannounced and flipped out to see her dad in that condition. Right there and then, he decided to changed his life.
He’d been given six months to live, and to repeat the beginning of the story, that was six years and 300lbs ago. One thing I didn’t ask him was how long it took him from deciding to live and actually getting up and doing something about it. I doubt the answer would have been, “When I felt better.”
My favorite part of the whole experience was when he said his legs are black now from the knees down, but they’re healthy, and that he lives each day now to try to make somebody else feel a little better. He got me yesterday, and darn it, I saw him pushing some iron earlier today and felt better again!
Always plan to climb the mountain with bloody knees and half a lung. If it’s easier than you expected, that’s a bonus.
Bob n weave n get to swinging back,
If you get knocked out/down get back in the gym get stronger n faster then Rematch
Mehdi, I love the vast majority of what you do/say, and agree with you most of the time, but you dropped the ball here, big time. I’m on board with Steve here. The (in the long run, trivial) hardships that YOU (general you here, not you Mehdi) face shouldn’t stop you from training. Like you said – tired? lift. Too hot? Lift. Too cold? Lift. Shitty day at work? Lift. Bit of a cold? Lift. No motivation? Shut up and lift. You’ve posted to that effect a few times now, and it’s something I’ve taken to heart (I used to be a bit quick to skip a day from lack of sleep or a cold). Great advice.
But that’s NOT AT ALL the same as “someone I love is in the hospital with something serious and I need to be there for them.” That is a completely different issue. That is about putting the serious needs of your loved ones first. That is about realizing that – while yes, lifting is more worthwhile and important to many of us than most people give it credit for – there are things MUCH more important than lifting.
I can’t help but recall that you gave the sagely advice (not sarcastic) to not worry too much about eating or drinking poorly or missing a session or two during Thanksgiving or Christmas/New Years holidays. One week off for something special like that doesn’t really affect an otherwise no-breaks commitment. But come on – it’s ok to take a couple days off for gorging and partying, but not for a loved one in the hospital?? Re-check your priorities there. “Sorry Mom, I know the cancer hurts and being in the hospital is scary, but the doc says you’ll almost definitely recover at this point, and I’ve got to stay dedicated to my lifting. See you in a few hours!”
Really? Come on, now…
Guys, I think the fact that Medhi points out some of his own hardships in an article about overcoming certain down times in life and DOESN’T point to anything that could be construed to be dangerous is self-evident in that if you’re already hurt, or could possibly hurt yourself doing an activity, you shouldn’t do it. My guess is the readership here is relatively knowledgeable as it is, so trying to twist this into something it’s not just comes off a little condescending and irrational. If you’re going to break in half if you lift, then use some common sense and don’t lift. Pretty straightforward. What he’s saying is don’t fall back on excuses if they’re really not something that should keep you from taking care of yourself.
This is just what I needed. I’m going to a tough school and have been getting hit by work and school at the same time. I needed something to set me straight. Thank you.
The workouts that are most tough satisfy you the best. I once felt so sick i had to puke during squats but I completed the workout and its still in my memory as the most satisfying ever. It reminds you there are no limits and you can do whatever it takes, how bad you may feel
Wonderful story btw, RT. People able to successfully change their life from that misery truly inspire me
People use common sense. if you have a severe possibly life-threatening injury you shouldn’t work out if it aggravates it. DOMS however is not a life-threatening injury and neither are most injury’s. What Mehdi was trying to say is that working out will clear your mind and reduce your stress so you can focus more on your tragedies or problems. If you go to home to sleep you probably got time to go to the gym.
Use common sense. You know when you are making excuses.
I can totally relate to this post…strength training isn’t just about muscles and good looking but empowering your mind to not feel you can’t do anything. I am sure a good example
Thanks for another motivating post, Mehdi!
I think some of you are missing the point
“Look, you shouldn’t be as extreme as Arnold Schwarzenegger who claimed that he didn’t go to his father’s funeral because he had a competition.”
As a side note, Arnold Schwarzenegger did not miss his dads funeral but stole the story off some french guy to make his pumping iron film more interesting.There was a lot of stuff made up in pumping iron as it was not a documentry as a lot of people think, and needed to be jazzed up for the general public. back to the point a lot of people do make excuses to miss workouts but that being said sometimes you gotta listen to body take a week of lifting, especialy if your squating 2-3 times a week. Youl come back stronger every time
One of the first recommendations for people suffering depression is exercise, everyone must be compromised with an exircise routine no matter what, exercise can´t harm the body and mind.
Whenever life has thrown me some serious curve balls, my workouts definitely helped me relieve stress and suffer. You can´t feel weak if you are getting stronger, your body reflects the energy in some way…
Advice for a 50 yr old lifter….I just wanna give me 2 cents worth here….what Mehdi says makes a lot of sense. He’s not criticizing people as such, but giving worthwhile advise….of course if you’re injured no one but a fool expects you to train.
Everyone has hardships in life, we all do. Sometimes life is out to defeat us every chance it gets. I nursed my mother for 6 years who was severly incapacitated by a stroke. What kept my sanity?…my weights!…when life throws you a curved ball and it’s out of your control, there is one thing you can control, and that’s lifting iron!
I know this is a hard ask when everything seems hopeless, but you gotta do it, or life will come back and bite you with vengeance….if you think a certain situation is bad, just way till you give the iron away also….it will only make the situation worse.
Truly it will keep your sanity. You are no good to the people that need your love and help when you’re not in control of your own life.
When life is out of control, there is one thing you can control, both mentally and physically, and that’s the ‘iron”…
onwards into countless battles!